Monday, August 15, 2005 | 22:05
models and shells
For some reason, everything I own seems to be falling apart in the last few days. First, one of the hinges connecting the keyboard to the screen of my notebook is coming apart or becoming loose. It looks like it's going to break down by itself anytime soon and whenever I close it shut, it kind of locks up and I have to pry it loose to open it with some strength as the screen is not aligned properly with the keyboard. Another thing, the strap on my Catswhiskers purple bag broke today when I was lunching between breaks in college. Not really broke but more like the end just came off and I had to make do with temporarily tying it around the ring suspending the bag. I just hope none of my body parts will start breaking soon.

Business Stats test is postponed to this Saturday morning. I'm going to miss my Saturday morning toons. Damn it.

If only I had a nickel for every time bureaucracy gets in the way of anything I do, I'd be a very rich girl now. And so will everybody else. The mood isn't settling in very well with me to depart about my encounter with the said B word. Another time.

Browsing nonchalantly through a university brochure today, I think I want to go to UNSW even more now. What stirred this change I have no clue, but to me UNSW seems to be one of the more underrated good Australian universities there are. Everyone's talking about Melbourne, Sydney, Queensland and ANU but what about the rest in the 'Group of Eight'. Don't they deserve a mention or two too? Of course, my first choice will and always have been Sydney but now that I'm being pulled apart three ways, I don't really know what I want. But maybe it's still too early to be juggling these three universities around now. I really hope to be able to apply as soon as possible if I want to make it for the March/April intakes.

That got me thinking again. We always strive to be individuals in our own rights. Thinking like one or dressing quirkily. But how far can one define and limit individuality? Sure, it can be argued that individuality goes as far as we make it to be but where does this sense of individualism come from? There has and had to be some form of idea or expression that we've been exposed to that moulds this sense of self in ourselves. It might have been something that someone casually mentioned of us or something that you saw that attracted you or someone you know you've been influenced by. This eclectic mix of individualities that one takes or adopts from these many people soon make up what one calls 'me'. The 'me' self is now therefore not geniunely birthed from that person himself, but is more of a concoction of different and various individuals that have come to develop him. From there, the cycle of individuality continues where another person will be influenced by him and another and another.

It isn't exactly a new thought or idea but I always snicker and sneer at people who always say, "This is me," or "I've been born this way," as you're clearly not. When you're born all you are is a shell. An empty shell that will in time develop and adopt its own contents as its own and soon it will be too full to be filled up with. I'm still trying to find my own 'me' self. That sense of mix of individualities that no one has concocted yet. That mix can then only ultimately be claimed as 'you'.

It feels good to be on the ranting track again. I suppose this stemmed from the too many eyes always staring back at me whenever I enter a room or go up to someone. It's just too daunting already to have people rudely staring back at you and observing from head to toe like you're a clay model for all to ogle at.

I am not a statue! Though a model would be nice.
Jill |

Blogger sharontai had this to say at 16 August, 2005 13:43
heyyY! i was thinking that if i do well enough, i might wanna transfer to UNSW! if not, i'll just stick with monash melbourne(most likely monash clayton) hmmmmm. i wanna goOO! ugh!

Blogger ggub7xehq59udof had this to say at 16 August, 2005 14:34
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger chase854annette had this to say at 22 August, 2005 04:02
damn good blog, check out mine, comments always welcome!

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