Sunday, May 21, 2006 | 23:37
yes, i'm still here
I really am. Though it sometimes feels like I'm not.

My mind is a jumbled up mess of thoughts and conflicting flurry of activities right now so I shall resort to penning down random current going-ons in my life right now.

Leave now if you don't want to squander away your precious five minutes or so of your time reading today's pathetic excuse of a blog entry. I really will make up for this in future posts. At least I hope so.

1. The inadequacy feeling is growing in me with every passing day. I must do better. No. I must and will do over and above what I can do best. I need to go for more motivation talks to improve on my own motivational suggestions.

2. Why can't people be more open about their own feelings to others? I hate deciphering cryptic body language and subtle speeches in random but discreetly intimate conversations.

3. I wish I was more open and forthcoming about my feelings too. Damn the hypocrisy.

4. The weather is getting really annoying and is giving me a headache.

5. I am most definitely gaining weight but I somehow don't see it materializing from the view point of the fitting of my jeans. I hope they're not expanding.

6. My internal body clock is confused and so am I.

7. Exams are approaching and I have yet to focus on them. To reiterate the first point; I must do well.

8. My second major "crush" is finally fading away slowly. I am glad for myself and contented for him.

9. I think my friends' intuition may be right about the third guy. But it can really go both ways.

10. My recent choice of clothes is reflective of my own general attitude these few days. That is laziness and disenchantment. Hoodies and sweats are staple choices of clothing for SWOTVAC.

Hence, ends this short hand version of an otherwise long winded rant post that I was supposed to pen down. Aren't you glad that you didn't waste your time reading this?

Oh, wait, you're still here?
Jill |

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 | 22:41
Feeling a little light headed at the moment after dinner when I witnessed my first IH person-stuck-in-lift-event at the Scheps building which is five floors up for your information. Interesting experience trying to talk the stuck-ee into believing that the repair-man was getting the lift fixed as fast as he can and sang with her for a while to kill time before it got weird so we shut up.

Anyway. Exams. Tutorials. Assignments. The ending of a semester. Returning to Malaysia. It's all coming to a close too soon and way too fast. I wish I could stop time for a two months and savour all the time within that two months for as long as I want and can.

But alas, that is to never be.

Decided to make a random movie pit stop at one of the undergraduate lounges in Union House today around lunch time. We watched 'Transamerica'. And it was free. It was in conjunction with this 'Gender-f**ked' week thing organised by the uni Queer Department or Club. It was a good and entertaining one and a half hours spent chilling with twenty other people where the DVD kept hanging midway through the movie and the person with the iBook kept trying to get it to work again much to our dismay after the fifth time it froze in thirty minutes. In the end the DVD player didn't give us much problems and managed to finish it towards the end just in time for my next class.

It was my first real movie watching thing apart from the one during Easter break, so I feel more like I'm back home now chilling and watching movies with friends.

IH dinner was actually not bad, as in good, for the past two consecutive nights. Which is really a rare thing so is this a sign of good or worse things to come in the future? Hmm. Maybe I'm just thinking too deeply into this. Too full and feeling fat to function for now from indulging in carrot cake with sweet frosting and then taking in a waft of the leftover blue cheese left sitting in the dining hall after dinner.

Let's see what else have I been up to for the past few days. A friend in IH left IH just last week to return to Singapore to study fashion management after withdrawing from her UniMelb course of physiotherapy. Cafe is over. Period. I managed to salvage a souvenir which is currently hanging in my room. The IH photos will be delivered to us soon according to Pat so watch out for the serious photo which we look all nice and proper and the funny one which is just odd because I look the same in both pictures. But I'll still try to get both up in any case.

So, that's all for now. Oh yes, the 'situation' has improved ever so slightly. Talked to a couple of people about it here and there and did a little digging myself tonight and my heart feels less burdened now. Time to resume studying instead of rambling about non-related events happening in my IH life.
Jill |

Saturday, May 06, 2006 | 19:11
atmospheric circus acts
For the past two weeks, my life seemed to have been revolving around all things to do with Cafe International in IH apart from the whole process of decorating and getting ready for the event, it had a carnival like feeling to it especially since the theme was 'The 70's Show'.

So yeah, what have I really been up to and doing for these few incognito weeks?

In a word, or maybe two and more, Cafe, assignments, studying, stress, and sorting out a-not-really-complicated situation but is anyway.

It seems like time is moving at an extraordinarily fast and slow pace at the same time for me now. Sometimes I would be studying in my room peacefully and in a non-stressing atmosphere, and I'd feel that time was passing by mildly slowly but insanely too fast at the same time for me to catch up on my work. Then, the next moment when I'm hanging out in the JCR or dining hall talking with friends and sharing tales of oddities in and out of IH and uni, time may and may not pass fast enough for me to relish those moments and savour the comfortable intimate thoughts that flash by me.

The stress factor is being upped on a daily and regular basis now with exams approaching and me having my first test in exactly a month time. On this basis, time is rushing way too fast for me to catch my breath or even my marks. By the time I realize it, I'd be done with my exams and on my flight back home to Malaysia.


Just when I'm getting really comfortable here in Melbourne, I have to get yanked back home. Not that I'm exactly complaining much but just that I just wish that I didn't have this exam barrier thing here where I can't and am not able to utilise my time fully here by spending it with friends and people that matter.

It's a double-edged sword, I tell you. I'm annoyed yet not entirely so that I wrap myself around it so much that I self-destruct and implode.

Ah, yes. My little not-that-complicated-situation but kind of is thing. I would like to talk about it but it's just too long winded for a blog to start off with. In short, I'm too tired and couldn't be damned or arsed to babble much on it. Let's just say that I'd really like to push it all away from my mind as far away as possible and just focus on my tests.

That's probably a good idea. I really need to concentrate and not have this burden or shadowy thoughts floating around me right now.

Excuse the disjointed thoughts accompanying this post. I went to bed at four this morning and woke up after less than six hours of sleep to continue with the setting up of the decorations in the JCR and dining hall, tables including cutlery, glasses, and plates, paper flowers, fancy napkins and cool 70's type floating candles in glasses, for the 'big' annual event thing in IH till dinner.

I decree myself officially an oddity which isn't too surprising but I'm only realising it fully now.
Jill |


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