I really am. Though it sometimes feels like I'm not.
My mind is a jumbled up mess of thoughts and conflicting flurry of activities right now so I shall resort to penning down random current going-ons in my life right now.
Leave now if you don't want to squander away your precious five minutes or so of your time reading today's pathetic excuse of a blog entry. I really will make up for this in future posts. At least I hope so.
1. The inadequacy feeling is growing in me with every passing day. I must do better. No. I must and will do over and above what I can do best. I need to go for more motivation talks to improve on my own motivational suggestions.
2. Why can't people be more open about their own feelings to others? I hate deciphering cryptic body language and subtle speeches in random but discreetly intimate conversations.
3. I wish I was more open and forthcoming about my feelings too. Damn the hypocrisy.
4. The weather is getting really annoying and is giving me a headache.
5. I am most definitely gaining weight but I somehow don't see it materializing from the view point of the fitting of my jeans. I hope they're not expanding.
6. My internal body clock is confused and so am I.
7. Exams are approaching and I have yet to focus on them. To reiterate the first point; I must do well.
8. My second major "crush" is finally fading away slowly. I am glad for myself and contented for him.
9. I think my friends' intuition may be right about the third guy. But it can really go both ways.
10. My recent choice of clothes is reflective of my own general attitude these few days. That is laziness and disenchantment. Hoodies and sweats are staple choices of clothing for SWOTVAC.
Hence, ends this short hand version of an otherwise long winded rant post that I was supposed to pen down. Aren't you glad that you didn't waste your time reading this?
Oh, wait, you're still here?
For the past two weeks, my life seemed to have been revolving around all things to do with Cafe International in IH apart from the whole process of decorating and getting ready for the event, it had a carnival like feeling to it especially since the theme was 'The 70's Show'.
So yeah, what have I really been up to and doing for these few incognito weeks?
In a word, or maybe two and more, Cafe, assignments, studying, stress, and sorting out a-not-really-complicated situation but is anyway.
It seems like time is moving at an extraordinarily fast and slow pace at the same time for me now. Sometimes I would be studying in my room peacefully and in a non-stressing atmosphere, and I'd feel that time was passing by mildly slowly but insanely too fast at the same time for me to catch up on my work. Then, the next moment when I'm hanging out in the JCR or dining hall talking with friends and sharing tales of oddities in and out of IH and uni, time may and may not pass fast enough for me to relish those moments and savour the comfortable intimate thoughts that flash by me.
The stress factor is being upped on a daily and regular basis now with exams approaching and me having my first test in exactly a month time. On this basis, time is rushing way too fast for me to catch my breath or even my marks. By the time I realize it, I'd be done with my exams and on my flight back home to Malaysia.
Just when I'm getting really comfortable here in Melbourne, I have to get yanked back home. Not that I'm exactly complaining much but just that I just wish that I didn't have this exam barrier thing here where I can't and am not able to utilise my time fully here by spending it with friends and people that matter.
It's a double-edged sword, I tell you. I'm annoyed yet not entirely so that I wrap myself around it so much that I self-destruct and implode.
Ah, yes. My little not-that-complicated-situation but kind of is thing. I would like to talk about it but it's just too long winded for a blog to start off with. In short, I'm too tired and couldn't be damned or arsed to babble much on it. Let's just say that I'd really like to push it all away from my mind as far away as possible and just focus on my tests.
That's probably a good idea. I really need to concentrate and not have this burden or shadowy thoughts floating around me right now.
Excuse the disjointed thoughts accompanying this post. I went to bed at four this morning and woke up after less than six hours of sleep to continue with the setting up of the decorations in the JCR and dining hall, tables including cutlery, glasses, and plates, paper flowers, fancy napkins and cool 70's type floating candles in glasses, for the 'big' annual event thing in IH till dinner.
I decree myself officially an oddity which isn't too surprising but I'm only realising it fully now.