For some reason, everything I own seems to be falling apart in the last few days. First, one of the hinges connecting the keyboard to the screen of my notebook is coming apart or becoming loose. It looks like it's going to break down by itself anytime soon and whenever I close it shut, it kind of locks up and I have to pry it loose to open it with some strength as the screen is not aligned properly with the keyboard. Another thing, the strap on my Catswhiskers purple bag broke today when I was lunching between breaks in college. Not really broke but more like the end just came off and I had to make do with temporarily tying it around the ring suspending the bag. I just hope none of my body parts will start breaking soon.
Business Stats test is postponed to this Saturday morning. I'm going to miss my Saturday morning toons. Damn it.
If only I had a nickel for every time bureaucracy gets in the way of anything I do, I'd be a very rich girl now. And so will everybody else. The mood isn't settling in very well with me to depart about my encounter with the said B word. Another time.
Browsing nonchalantly through a university brochure today, I think I want to go to UNSW even more now. What stirred this change I have no clue, but to me UNSW seems to be one of the more underrated good Australian universities there are. Everyone's talking about Melbourne, Sydney, Queensland and ANU but what about the rest in the 'Group of Eight'. Don't they deserve a mention or two too? Of course, my first choice will and always have been Sydney but now that I'm being pulled apart three ways, I don't really know what I want. But maybe it's still too early to be juggling these three universities around now. I really hope to be able to apply as soon as possible if I want to make it for the March/April intakes.
That got me thinking again. We always strive to be individuals in our own rights. Thinking like one or dressing quirkily. But how far can one define and limit individuality? Sure, it can be argued that individuality goes as far as we make it to be but where does this sense of individualism come from? There has and had to be some form of idea or expression that we've been exposed to that moulds this sense of self in ourselves. It might have been something that someone casually mentioned of us or something that you saw that attracted you or someone you know you've been influenced by. This eclectic mix of individualities that one takes or adopts from these many people soon make up what one calls 'me'. The 'me' self is now therefore not geniunely birthed from that person himself, but is more of a concoction of different and various individuals that have come to develop him. From there, the cycle of individuality continues where another person will be influenced by him and another and another.
It isn't exactly a new thought or idea but I always snicker and sneer at people who always say, "This is me," or "I've been born this way," as you're clearly not. When you're born all you are is a shell. An empty shell that will in time develop and adopt its own contents as its own and soon it will be too full to be filled up with. I'm still trying to find my own 'me' self. That sense of mix of individualities that no one has concocted yet. That mix can then only ultimately be claimed as 'you'.
It feels good to be on the ranting track again. I suppose this stemmed from the too many eyes always staring back at me whenever I enter a room or go up to someone. It's just too daunting already to have people rudely staring back at you and observing from head to toe like you're a clay model for all to ogle at.
I am not a statue! Though a model would be nice.
Whee. I'm a happy camper today.
Got myself a brand new webcam thing from Creative and a USB pendrive from Panasonic at the Pikom PC Fair all combined for less than RM250 altogether and a cropped knee length distressed denim pants from TopShop at 30% off.
It was my first time at a PC Fair and at KLCC too. Overcrowded with people and loads of gadgets and toys I actually fairly enjoyed the experience. It was akin to visiting a high-tech pasar malam. And I nearly went giddy with joy when I saw that huge sign denoting "Sale 50%" at TopShop as I ascended the escalator from the carpark. Well, my pants wasn't at half off but still sales are always good. Whether you buy something or not.
I feel contented. Material things do create happiness. Even if it is temporary. I'm not sure why I needed the webcam but it looks cool seeing myself in the screen. It's recording some live video feed now as I'm typing this. Maybe I should feel slightly paranoid because someone is watching me right now. Yeah, I did not own a pendrive till today because I never really saw the need for me to get one but eventually the draw of discounts and last day bargains just baited me into getting one.
I'm such a pants whore. I think I love shorts, pants and shoes more than tops and shirts now. I really do. You could give me some grubby old shirt and I'd probably wear it together with my favourite white and pink high tops and this newly purchased cropped pants with shameless pride. I am that a pants-and-shoes-slut.
Now back to Business Stats work and Econs assignment.
The burden of studying and the final assignment are slowly overwhelming me. I'm never doing four subjects in one semester ever again. It's too taxing and exhausting for me.
Mostly all is well with me. Finished catching up with Nip/Tuck Season 1 already but I still like Season 2 better. Just had much more drama and shock factor. Or maybe it's just that I know most of the things that happened already that it's not that surprising to me anymore. But the stories make sense now and I don't feel so in the dark about it all. Now, if only Season 3 will make it to our shores as soon as possible.
I've been feeling a bit peevish and get upset for no real reason these days. I think I'm going crazy again. Bouts of restlessness will descend upon me and I can't concentrate anymore on my work or whatever it is I'm doing then. Could it be ADD? I hope not. That's a scary thought. Maybe it's a phase. Please let it be a stupid phase. I always give this excuse to myself.
"It's a phase. It'll pass. In time."
Yeah. Cool. Good. Uh huh. Yep.
Or maybe I'm just in a rut. A bloody rut that won't go away. I need to do something other than focusing on the bloody books. I want to go rock-climbing. I want to work as a bartender. Or a barrister, whichever I get to first. I'd love to concoct some weird alcoholic beverage in that cool shaker tumbler and get anyone loaded up and drunk on it. Provided it is potent enough. I want to go backpacking in Europe. I want to learn French, Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese, and maybe Thai. I want to converse in a foreign language with other people so that when I want to bitch about the person in front of me to another I can do it in a different language so that they'll never know and will just think that I complimented them with a saying like, "Nice haircut/shirt/pants.". So, now you know not to let me learn another language. Or at least learn them with me so that I won't have the chance to bitch.
Back to my books now. Gosh, I wish I was anywhere but here right now.