Saturday, December 31, 2005 | 00:43
hopeful resignations
Alright wow. Two thousand and five is ending and a new year cometh. How soon the year has passed with its share of joys, tears, jeers, and laughter. It's exactly one year ago when I made a similar post like this then. I was such a novice blogger then. Oh, how I've aged and matured into the amateurish but slightly more experienced blogger that I am today. Multiple sighs.

It's a jumble of mixed feelings as I don't know whether to feel sad, happy, glad, angry, confused, calm, or joyous with the ending of another year. I mean it's just another year, right? How different can the next one be? I guess I've never really gotten the hand of celebrating the ushering of a new year just right yet. It's always been rather quiet around the house as my parents are hardly the partying or even going-out types. I don't really have anything specific to feel sad about apart from the passing of my grandmother early this year. I guess I am feeling peevish and angry over the results of Business Law and Management in which I scraped only Credits for both subjects. I am so wishing that I did better for Business Law but I guess it was not meant to be. The Distinction just slipped through my fingers like that. And so did a potential scholarship at Melbourne too if I had only managed to keep my CGPA up at a minimal 6.0 to be considered in the running of scholarship acceptees. Now, with that extra Credit instead of a
Distinction, my CGPA is slightly lower than 6.0. Nonetheless, just feeling and being glad that I did not fail Management like a recent nightmare of mine predicted. Well, not to be too greedy but the grades are provisional results which are subject to change and if it does, here's hoping that the CRs change to DIs.

The planning and thinking and deliberating are not going too well. But at least some things are confirmed already. Like the departure date to Melbourne which is on the 20th of February; eight days after my birthday. Woohoo. The COE, which is something like a confirmation receipt of my enrolment at Melbourne, has not been issued and should be by next week. I hope. Without it I can't do most of the things I need to get done desperately like the renewal of my passport, (to get a 50% discount off the RM300 renewal fee) which coincides with getting the student visa done, (at an astronomical fee of AUD$420) medical, getting the student rate for the airfare ticket, and finally, finalising my ISIC. Whew. This is my life. And at the same time, I have to wait for an offe
r in mid to the end of January to stay at the International House which is not even probable yet. If I can't stay there, I'd have to wait some more till another residential college has a place open for me. Waiting and more patient waiting except that I'm getting increasingly impatient with waiting anymore. If I miraculously get it all done before CNY, it'll be too soon.

The check list is not good as well. I just realized how unprepared I am. The limit on my baggages is now 30kg with the additional 10kg because I booked the airline tickets through the MSL travel agency but it's still not enough to pack my whole room together with me. The clothes themselves will take up 90% of my bag. When the time comes for me to really pack, I think I'll go insane. My mind is already spinning over how I'm ever going to pack it all in and carry them by little ol' myself. But then again, my mom wants and stresses that she comes with me to help me out and visit her alma mater that is La Trobe University somewhere near Melbourne too. At least I get to put some of my own stuff in her bag then. I suppose that is the best thing about her coming along or not I'd just be totally weighed down again by her constant reminders and naggings over what I should and should not do.

Wishful thinking is next. Every year at this time, I'd have a whole list of things that I would wish for and things that I'd want to do and hope that I managed to get it done with. However, somehow I don't feel the need to this time round. Resolutions shouldn't be made at the end of a year only to be broken in less than two weeks. Promises can be made any time of the year and be kept all the time no matter where and when you are. I suppose that's going to be sole resolution for 2006. Just to be the best person that I can be and make it out alive unscathed. Oh, and not to complain so much that I give myself headaches sometimes.

All I know is that next year and the next are probably going to be the next to most interesting years of my little life so far. Should I cry with joy over it? Or shall I pen down a novella about my feelings over the pending future? The expressing of feelings has not made a big impact on me as much as I'd like it to but I guess it's a good thing as well. I wouldn't want people to see me blubber like a school girl on her first day without her parents. That would be too embarrassing. I think it's more like that there are just too many feelings and thoughts raging and going on inside me now that they all try to get out through my mouth at the same time but get stuck half way out so that nothing intellectually or emotionally stimulating can make its way through at all. It's a weird theory but it works.

Reflections and revelations abound aside from wishful thoughts and meanderings. Here is my list of the best ofs' and worst ofs' 2005:

Best Buy: Black video iPod
Highs and Lows: My weight
Worst News: A death of a family member
Number of Books read: Between 30 to 35
Tastiest food baked: Almond butter cookies (Baked 27/12/05)

Disaster of the year: Banana coffee 'soggy' muffins
Crappiest news: A fail for Marketing only to be upgraded to a Credit
Person other than me to be bestowed with congratulatory news: My dad

So, how's 2005 been to you? Ready for 2006? I don't know if I am but when I do find out whether I am or not, it'll be one hell of a ride. That's one thing I'm certain of.
Jill |

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 | 02:12
zeroed within
Jolly old Saint Nick has been quite nice this year. As in regarding the way Christmas passed without much of a hitch or problems cropping up now and then. Once again, I didn't really get to go out much in the weekend only because of family obligations to keep. Aren't I such a good girl? Sigh. Niceties do not a good girl often make.

I think I've been going overboard, if not already gone over, with the giving-of-presents-to-self this year too. I've bought three second hand books from Pay Less (Lemony Snicket's 'The Austere Academy: Book the Fifth', 'Girl, Interrupted' by Susanna Kaysen, 'Practical Magic' by Alice Hoffman) and another three books from Borders, ('American Gods' by Neil Gaiman, 'Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction' by Sue Townsend and 'Kitchen' by Banana Yoshimoto) which I paid for only two and got the other one free, so far. And it's not even the end of December yet. Curse this compulsive need of mine to buy new books for the new year. And also it's the first time where I actually want to read all the books at once but know that I can't possibly do that. To top off my Christmas wish list of this year, I'm waiting for Zara's sale to get my grubby hands on a pair of corduroy pants and a mid-mini skirt which is somewhat pleated but not really. Did any of that made sense?

Materialism aside, I think I'm getting addicted to podcasting. The downloading and listening to them kind of addiction. It's not just music anymore but videos, cartoons, foreign language audio lessons, audiobooks/stories, and Ricky Gervais. It's taking over my ears but I can't get enough of them. There're just too little hours in a day to listen to them all.

I don't know whether I should start applying for the residential colleges now or later. As in get in my applications after I get my passport renewed and student visa done or not. I can't believe how calm and collected I'm treating this whole thing. I think I should be a little more anxious and worried over whether I will be getting a place in one of the residential colleges but I'm really not. Is this normal? Maybe others might think so but I don't really, no. It could mean that I'm taking this all too lightly and should be more serious about it but I can't.

Like one of the things that I really should be doing is making a check list on what I should and should not be bringing to Australia next year or my luggage would amount to 50 kilos when I lug my stuff to the airport. That's almost as heavy as me. The check list would probably comprise of something like this:

  • Books, stationery, and the likes.
  • Toileteries including shampoo, conditioner, and hair products.
  • Notebook and iPod along with essential VCDs and DVDs to kill boredom with.
  • Faithful blanket to sleep in.
  • Snacks, sweets, and chewing gum.
  • Bags, shoes, and backup bags and shoes.
  • Clothes, clothes, and more clothes.
  • Socks, unmentionables, and more stuff.
  • Chargers, important documents, money, and finally handphone.

That's got to be at least one luggage full of stuff to fill it in and pile them up to high heaven. Hope I didn't leave anything out, but if I do please let me know.

The third semester results as predicted is not out yet but should be by this week or latest next. I had a rather scary dream slash nightmare last night which I replayed in my dream blog. Brr. What does all my bad dreams mean? These restless nights and tired days are just not doing my body and skin any good.

Too bad that Malaysia doesn't officially celebrate, if not at all, Boxing Day as in other countries. Or not I'd be buying out the stores already. But enough of my rapping. The year is coming to a close and resolutions should be made soon or not realized already. Will hopefully be returning soon to record any New Year specials but in case I don't, Happy New Year 2006, everyone!
Jill |

Thursday, December 22, 2005 | 20:32
extreme highs and lows
Not in the way that most people would think.

Finally accomplished something that a friend, Veron, and I planned ages ago and went rock-climbing yesterday at the new Camp-5 place in 1U. Needless to say that it was tiring, exhausting, muscle-aching, and totally fun at the same time. I thought I would be scared and afraid of getting up there on the fake rocks and holding on for dear life, but once you get up there, all you can think of is the stinging pain in your arms and how you want to get up there by manouvering through the nooks and crannies of this fissure. Paid RM30 for a two-hour beginners session which was a little steep for me but worth the experience, I think. Now I know how Spider-man feels when he starts wall-climbing around buildings. In my case, it was artificial rock structures and harnesses to make sure we didn't break our necks when your hands untimely slip and you plunge slowly downwards to the ground. Veron was much more apt than me at the rock-climbing business as my arms tired out faster than her. I felt like the muscles in my forearms, biceps and triceps were never used before and it felt so tense after the two hours. My upper body was aching throughout the day especially my back and lifting my arms is quite a chore even. The instructors were fun and very friendly and I'd say that I would return there again for a few more sessions and classes if the prices weren't so undesirably expensive. Maybe I can get my dad to sponsor me a few classes when I show him the place. But, yes, conclusively when you do get the funds and time to do this, go do it.

Enough of daily ramblings for now and on to more important things to be discussed.

The tuition fees are paid up and I should be affirmatively leaving for Melbourne come mid-February. The student visa, medical, and accomodation are not done yet but the real final hurdle of it all is deciding on where I want and should be making my abode for in the next two years. My rock-climbing buddy and I are planning on staying at the same residential college or College Square depending on the endless deliberation and discussion we've been having with each other and the parents. They're both equally expensive but near to the university campus. The residential college seems to appeal more to us because of their dorm-like situation and it would be a real experience to stay there. The fun factor seems to be the attractive quality in the residential colleges. But then again, the fees are inclusive of meals provided and we may get tired of the food there after two months or less. And did I mention shared bathrooms? There are a number of colleges to choose from but getting a place there is competitive and application should be preferably done as soon as possible. The most appealing ones to me are Newman, International House, and Whitley.

The College Square is a safer choice because most Asians (meaning Malaysians) stay there and the style is more of like apartment-rooming and privacy is definitely most secured. However, I think it would get boring after a while when mingling with the same type of people that you've been around with for so long and the typical Asian student would much rather hide in the comfort of their own room studying than explore and have fun. The rents definitely would prefer the Square as you get to cook for yourself and once again there's the privacy thing again being emphasized.

I never thought that even after with exams over, I'd have to be doing more research and studying again. Bring back the books, I say. The adrenaline rush most people get of living abroad hasn't exactly hit me yet but I'm getting there. Maybe it's the steep living costs that's dampening my spirit and the contemplation of the pros and cons of living in either residential colleges or College Square that's making my head spin.

I was watching 'Before Sunset' the other day and I really want to watch 'Before Sunrise' now. As usual, recommended highly by the cousin, I only managed to catch it on HBO of all places and times. Loved it. Am in love with the idea of meeting a stranger now and just talking endlessly with hardly a point to be made. Aimless conversations will take you anywhere and any place. Ideas, feelings, and thoughts that never come up ever in conversations with others will pop up and delve into deeper issues which tears open the over-protected soul. Sometimes I feel like I'm drifting about aimlessly as well when I sit or rest in my room, listen to music or just flit about in a barren shopping mall alone. We seem to be finding this point in life where once you reach it, you feel satisfied and have this sensation that everything is complete and there is no desire to continue searching for another particular materialistic being. But most of us never get to reach that point. It is probably the only thing that a person searches endlessly and tirelessly for with no complaints or make any bones about it. I wonder when and if that point in my life will ever come.

Well, that's that. Switching off the pondering side of me. Anyway, only three more days till jolly ol' Santa arrives with the presents under the Christmas tree. Only thing is that I don't have one so it'll have to be presents given personally and not found sitting comfortably under the tree.
Jill |

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 | 15:55
x'mas comes early
For me that is. I'm just giggling and giddying with delight over my latest buy. It's probably the most extravagant and expensive one to date that I've ever had to fork out my own cash but it's worth every ringgit I've saved this year.

If you haven't already guessed it, it's the black video iPod that I'm raving about. My allegiance with Creative could be said to be severed but I don't care. Materialism and pretty and shiny things are what's governing my mind now.

Just got it yesterday at the Apple Centre in 1U where they surprisingly had stocks of the black boxes of goodies. I was all ready to put down the RM100 deposit to book my iPod when they said that they had some readily available to be purchased by music-craving people like me. So, immediately I charged it first because the cash is in the safety of, well I can't divulge that information now can I, and left a happy camper with the svelte box in the cool paper bag. It looked almost too good to be torn open by little ol' me.

But yes, upon reaching home, I tore open the box and carefully installed iTunes and readied myself to tinker around with it. I have to admit that playing with the player gets awfully addictive after a while especially when I was searching for podcasts to download into the iPod. Podcasting is something new that I've yet to get myself accustomed to but I will in time. Last night was just filled with me fiddling with my coolest and most expensive toy yet and I didn't even get the urge to watch television or cartoons.

The iTunes software is quite easy to use except that I'm having problems with playing or downloading my videos or movies into the iPod. And that's supposed to be the most important and attractive thing about this new VIDEO iPod. Probably need to pay another visit to the store tomorrow. Anyway, what I love most about the iPod is the sleekness and stylish look of everything of it. The casing, USB cable, and earphones just appear so neat and clean and cool at the same time. Now I understand why people are obsessed over their iPods and I think I'm about to become one of those iPod zombies soon. Isn't Apple capitalism just so much fun? It's getting increasingly difficult to be satirical and cynical about the iPod because I own one now.

Escaping the realm of iPod haven, reality has been mildly good to me too. I finally received that offer package thing from UMelb and am supposed to pay the fees first before I can be properly accepted into the university. The rents seem pretty excited about the prospect that I'll be going off from home next year but their over-enthusiasm is getting to me. The arrangements and all that jazz stuff are what they seem to be talking all about now around me. I suppose I should be more excited over this but I don't know why I'm not as excited and filled with jubilation over this. I should but I don't. It's definitely not how and what I expected myself to be feeling when the time arrived. Hopefully this odd feeling will pass over to be replaced with bountiful joy.

Besides that, I'm also getting nervous and anxious about the impending results of the two subjects I took last semester. Please don't let me fail Management and Business Law! I don't think I could suffer and live through the shame if I did fail them. I just want to get through the last eleven days of 2005 shamelessly and painlessly.

Laundry from the China trip is yet halfway done and the state of my room is disastrous. Shopping in Malaysia is far from over and I've got a list of things to be bought before 2006 cometh. I'm getting another baking urge attack to make Christmas themed cookies and cakes. Maybe Thursday or Friday would be a good time before the relatives come down again so that I can feed them with my concoctions. I've been neglecting my book-reading time again. And Pay-Less is due another visit from me. So much things to do and so little time to organise it.

Well, have a jolly good holiday my fellow readers, and spread the joy of giving and sharing this holiday season. Bah humbug feelings deep inside must be repressed.
Jill |

Sunday, December 18, 2005 | 19:26
laments of a traveling soul
It's good to be back on Malaysian soil again. I slept for approximately 10 hours last night and woke up about three hours ago. And I still want to sleep some more. My face looks rounder than ever. I think I may have caught a slight sniffle in China besides the great amount of photos that we all took.

It's a bit difficult for me right now to recollect everything that happened during those last eight days of traveling, shopping, eating and visiting. But I'll try nevertheless. I'm not putting up every photo we captured because it would be too cluttered up so special requests to see all of them has to be paid in the form of a visit to my house. I'm that selfish for good and nice reasons only. I'll let the pictures do most of the talking from this point on.

First day began with landing in Shanghai and then some touristy things followed. The Bund was cold and slightly wet and boring too as it was akin to walking a boardwalk while soaking in the sights and sounds. Not much happened as it was mostly that and it was already evening and dark when we arrived with hardly any shopping or any interesting things to do. Photowhoring was the main attraction there.

The next day we visited this water village in Zhujiajiao where we took a boat ride through the village and bought cheap bargained souvenirs from the quaint little shops along little dirty roads and kampung-ish style houses. Went back to Shanghai to visit the Yu Yuan Garden and Chenghuang Temple before the showy acrobatic show in this hall place. It was alright and atypical of a China visit so not much complaints there. Following that was morning shopping the next day in this flea market at Huai Hua Ru and Xiang-Yang before leaving off for Hangzhou in our bus. Slept for most of the journey I think which is not surprising. I managed to get this white bubble type long winter coat at the flea market for RM80 after bargaining a little of course. It was so cheap I couldn't believe it and just grabbed it as soon as I could. It made me look fat but it's good as it kept me warm for the rest of the trip.

In Hangzhou our itinerary for the day was quite full as we visited the West Lake, Longjing; a tea plantation, the tomb of Yue Fei, and experienced Song Cheng, which is something like a fancy show attraction thing for tourists. Oh, and notice the cheap RM80 white coat that I'm wearing in the photos. To me Hangzhou was the most interesting part of my trip because something odd and flattering happened at the West Lake and Longjing.
On the scenic boat ride around the lake, there were this other tour group with our group and there were these two 'ang moh' guys taking photos on the deck of the ship. Typical, right. I never gave them much thought except that I noticed that they were kind of stealing stares at me occasionally when the cousins and I were happily snapping away on the deck as well. But I just shrugged it off as my imagination. Anyway, when we all decided to go inside the boat to get out of the wind and cold, they actually called and asked me to take a photo with them. Naturally, I was a bit surprised but whatever and I graciously took with them both. One of the cousins teased me a little but he's always been that way around me. After the lake, we went to the tea plantation where we saw the same tour group there too. And of course I saw them again and actually didn't want them to see me for whatever reasons but of course they did spot me and we politely took photos again. I think they thought it was funny too that I was there as well. I didn't have the camera with me on both occasions to take photos with them because my brother was the official photographer for my own family but if you see carefully in this photo, the two guys in the background were the supposed 'admirers' as our tour guide called them. I suppose it was nice that they wanted to photowhore with me but I think they actually thought I was a China native, which I am so not! At least I don't think I look like a typical China girl. God, I hope I don't. Anyway, they're Australians as I asked them on the boat but didn't get to talk to them anymore as the tour had to go on. What struck me odd was that we all actually visited the same place on two occasions. I mean how weird is that. Don't get me wrong that I have a crush on them and I don't but they weren't too bad looking to put it simply and matter-of-factly. But the one with the funny afro looking hair was quite cute.

The fifth day was filled with merely traveling from Hangzhou to Guangzhou and then taking a tiny plane, which is actually smaller than our bus, to the remote and smallish town of Meizhou and then some shopping after dinner where everything was dirt cheap and we all went slightly crazy by contributing to the shopping economy there. Got myself sweaters for less than RM30 each and two jackets for less than RM100 each at the local brands shop where at home would have been on sale for at least RM50 and more. And I got the black winter coat there for about RM150 which I think would be sold in Malaysia at Zara or MNG for more than RM300. It was exhilirating to find such cheap buys at rock bottom prices and they looked not too bad and felt good too. I love my black coat. Excuse my enthusiasm.

Anyway, the next day we took another bus ride to the real 'kampung' kampung of Dapu where my extended family and relatives lived in. And I do mean 'kampung'. It was probably the worst day ever during the entire trip. The worst day on any vacation that I've ever been to actually. There's absolutely nothing to do there, the people all look the same, their clothes alike and ugly, and there isn't even a traffic light in the whole small backward town. We joked that we were living in the past of about ten or twenty years back. I don't mean to criticise the people but the food was also horrible likewise. I probably ate the least then. It was just difficult to swallow and stomach the food as it was so different from what we usually ate and the 'hakka' wine that the natives drink by the gallons smelt and tasted disgusting. Just the smell of it wanted to make me puke. I didn't know anyone's name in that small village and there were old people everywhere. I've never felt like such an alien in any place before this. The six of us cousins, felt so alien and out of place in the Dapu town that everyone was practically staring at us because of our out-of-town clothes and faces. The whole family was treated to a weird welcoming procession where we felt like VIPs in this far out remote place. There were loads of people talking to my grandfather like a celebrity in his old 'kampung' and we just felt like total outsiders with nothing to contribute except to just stand around and look pretty. The hotel was terrible and ugly as well where there were stains in the carpet which looked suspiciously like blood stains and the bathroom looked like it came straight out of a horror film. The rooms were bloody freezing and I don't think they've ever heard of heating or toothbrushes and tooth pastes to clean their teeth with.

On the seventh day, we hurriedly checked ourselves out of the horror town and more touring around was installed for us even though we were already thoroughly exhausted and fatigued. From Dapu, the return bus ride to Meizhou was horrible yet again with more bumpiness and dangerous China driving. In Meizhou, I was already half-dead before we departed again to Guangzhou for the final leg of our China vacation. Oh yeah, on this short stop somewhere I do not recall due to tiredness, we ate strawberries so sweet and juicy that I wished we could have brought back some more. And the dinner that day was extremely late because of a flight delay at Meizhou and we had the whole restaurant to ourselves. We orginally wanted to squeeze in more shopping time but we were just too tired to drag ourselves out of the hotel rooms.

The last day was quite good and sad at the same time. We were supposed to do some sight-seeing in Guangzhou but opted to do some more light shopping in the city where I got a pair of high heeled and almost knee high brown-coloured boots for RMB89 or yuan which is equivalent to RM45. I can't wait to wear them out. I love Guangzhou shopping.
We only had less than two hours of shopping time before departing to the airport to return home which was the saddest part of the trip. I so need to go back to Guangzhou again for three days and two nights of pure shopping, shopping, and more shopping. The combination of the whole family's luggages totalled a whopping 31 bags to be checked in which increased from a mere 13 on the first day. And there were only 18 of us on the trip. My family had to buy an extra bag to put in the new clothes, handbags, foodstuff, and shoes we bought throughout the trip.

Touched down yesterday night and the family had a final dinner at Coca in Subang Parade where we relegated in the memories of the good, the best, and the very ugly of our family trip. Went home and fell asleep so soundly and dreamlessly in the comfort of my own bed and room after a nice hot shower. The unpacking is still messy with clothes and stuff strewn all over my room but I think I'm getting there. Oh, yeah, about the absence of my dad in the photos, it's because he had to do some traveling of his own to Singapore and such for business and stuff. I think I may be suffering from some sort of jetlag or travel-hangover as my head feels heavy and I really want to continue sleeping again for another ten hours.

Well, it's back home and time for the routine after-trip dieting and exercising away the fats. Honestly, I swear I've never eaten so much in such a small period of time before this. When you see me in my chubby glory, please don't mention it because I already know it.
Jill |

Saturday, December 10, 2005 | 00:40
giddied up
Last night's, or more appropriate just this wee hours of the morning's, adventurous trip is one that I don't think I will be repeating for a long while more. At least until I have recovered from this one. Everything's still a bit of a blur to me and a harsh realization has hit me. But before I go into the details about what happened then, the night before deserves some attention.

Yesterday's evening was spent dinner-ing at Italianni's then on to some window-shopping and then some more. Dinner was really good with good bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, good salad with deep fried squid, good tomato-garlic bread-thingy with mint, and dreamy strawberry cheesecake. Yum. Delicious dinner despite the hefty price tag. But it's only once in a while, right. Dazedly walked around 1U with not much intention or aim but I eventually found a lovely white top from Zara which I impulsively and guiltily charged to my card. My mom must never find out. Dad is alright though. After what I said that I was too broke to go shopping yesterday at Cats Whiskers. But I digress. After that, proceeded with an excursion to Ikea because Melissa wanted to get a lamp but I ended up buying a 100 candles packet for my mom's current aromatherapy craze now. Not very fruitful but did manage to snap a few shots with Huai Yi being the camera-lady.

The night then entered into its early morning phase when we three went for a drinking session at Hartamas's Decanters. Just' and 'Sinchan' joined us later with opening a bottle of Jack Daniel's which is either too strong for my taste or that I actually kind of liked it after going a few rounds with mixed coke, of course. This was when everything started to blur a bit but we still managed to make some small talk among card tricks as well. I think I got a bit warm inside and then my face started to redden soon but I can't ascertain after what number glass. Supposedly I drank the least but didn't feel like it and still felt the impact after 2 or 3 later. Decided to calm ourselves down a little before heading back with a mamak stall stop. Was so close to throwing up when the three of us got back to the condo but miraculously refrained from it before washing up and passing out on the bed. I can hardly remember what I did before when I woke up with the stench of smoke, alcohol, and even more smoke in my clothes, breath, and skin. Let's never get so pissed and wasted like that again. I'm just thankful that this was between our small group of friends and not some unkowns we barely knew.

Maybe this was a good time for some revelation of my own. That I can't really hold my alcohol but only after the third or fourth one which when I'd start getting dizzy and not aware of my surroundings. I mean I can still recall a little that I knew where I was and what I was doing but I think I would not have passed that walk-the-straight-line test that police officers do on those drink-drivers. Driving is dangerous when you're not well at all. Always remember that, kiddies. And waking up to find dark circles round your eyes is never good.

But yeah, overall the night was actually good without the woozy and tipsy parts. I've still got time to spend here before I fly off so better make the best of it. Just don't get me to drive. Ever.

Still tired. Want some sleep. Sleeping early is priority for later. Excluding checking the packing luggages and essentials lists. Mom's on my case again about the packing. Does she ever stop? And she can't ever know about the drinking because she'd slaughter me first followed by dad who'd burn the remains of my body. I hate that I'm doing this yet this is the only way that I can actually experience that 'other' side of life away from the books, television and internet.

But then again, I may not be making sense at all right now, as my mind might be a little addled still. Too lazy to post photos and also I don't look too good in some of them. So sue me.

See you in seven. Or eight.
Jill |

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 | 21:52
of cookies and choices
If someone were to have seen me this afternoon, they would not have thought that I was near exhaustion and almost fatigued both mentally and physically this morning. It was the final day of the gruelling third semester this year and to get it over with so desperately would be an understatement. I could hardly concentrate last night thanks to growing anticaption over what was install for me in the next few days.

So after rushing through the last paper literally as my hands were shaking as my pen sped throughout the three hours doing four essays with no time to spare to stop and think, I came back home to feverously and excitedly as a little school girl, bake up a batch of cliched chocolate chip cookies. The last time I tried baking them they turned out quite burned and not very edible looking, appearance and taste-wise as well.

This time I think I got it mostly quite right except that it didn't turn out the way I would have liked it, which is the yummy chewy and gooey type. It was the typical crunchy type of cookies as cookies are. I would love to have gotten the type of texture that Partridge's cookies taste like. So sinful yet delectable. Anyway, I am pretty proud of this batch despite it not looking anything like Famous Amos' cookies and anyone who would like a taste of it can come by my house to get it. There're macadamia nuts in them too and the cookie dough was just heavenly chocolatey and sweet. I could have easily eaten the cookie dough itself up myself if it wasn't for my wanting to bake them. The family's response was rather good but when I expressed my liking towards chewy cookies, they just thought I was rather nutty. Oh well.

Alright, even with my finals way past my mind now, there's a bit of a dilemma that cropped up just today. To others it may seem like an obvious solution and decision but my mind is just kind of split in two now with the obviousness and logical side of it winning it out against the less assertive dreamer and idealistic point of view. My mom has been happily telling anyone who would care to listen, which actually just includes my close relatives, that I've been accepted to Melbourne. Not that it's a bad thing but that I think I should have been a little more excited in my response to their congratulations and grateful for them wanting to help me out when I go there. I just basically smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah, that's great," and went on to the next subject. One side of me wants to eagerly accept their praise and all that jazz while the other desperately wants to say that I might not accept it and am waiting for Sydney. I just didn't want to sort of disappoint them by saying that I don't really want to go to Melbourne and intended to go to Sydney but now am slightly deviating towards it. This is because Sydney now wants my third semester results before I'm offered a firm offer, which won't be out anytime soon I expect till next year. And Melbourne's unconditional offer only extends to January 10th 2006 which I will have to accept soon or not I won't have a good chance of actually go down under at all. Two friends of differing sides are trying to persuade me to go either way which I hate to choose from and ultimately disappoint one of them. I have yet to accept Melbourne's offer but I think my mom is hinting to me to accept it as soon as possible so that the future arrangements can be made such as visa, lodging, and the like. It kind of helps that she definitely prefers me going to Melbourne as she seems to love that city. My dad's reaction so far has been rather indifferent. That's what I like about him I suppose. He just kind of lets me do my own thing and make my own decisions rather than egging me on to a one-sided choice. I think he's just pleased that I get to go overseas in the end no matter which university I go to. The two brothers have been less than responsive except for the older one who's delighted that the Kelisa will be sold soon and gets to take over the wheels of the CRV which I've been hogging since last year.

So, where to now? Time will only tell. Hopefully not for long so that I can stop worrying and fussying over this and start fussying over what I'll be doing next. Updates will hopefully be more optimistic than today.

The packing for China begins today. Next item on my to-do list includes stocking up on new reading materials for next year, CNY shopping, and bumming around with the occasional catch-ups with long-unseen friends.
Jill |

Sunday, December 04, 2005 | 20:51
uplifting plight
Oh, I just unintentionally expressed an oxymoron. But that is almost exactly how I'm feeling now.

That past episode with me bemoaning and complaining about the world and life has passed for now. Hopefully. It was just a mixed up situation when my mind wasn't thinking too straight and veered off path for a moment there and entered Depression Land.

I'm definitely in a stressful situation now what with Management final on Tuesday and me not remotely prepared for it. My plan is to just study as much as my short attention span can possibly tolerate and retain the information and wing it on that fateful Tuesday morning. Whatever happens, will eventually come to pass and I'll be so relieved when it does. My target is quite low which I'm hoping to just pass or at the most get Credit. I'm actually getting quite relaxed about Business Law on Wednesday which may not be such a good thing considering the time frame. My confidence level is unusually high for this subject and I'm aiming for a Distinction at the least. It's going to be a tough ride.

On a much happier note, I've got news that I got an unconditional offer from the University of Melbourne. I'll be granted credit exemptions for the six subjects I took last two semesters and possibly this one too if I make the grades and if I do officially
accept to study there. That makes one successful application down and two more to wait for. I think I've sort of abandoned UNSW because by the time I submit my third semester results to them next year, it'll probably be a little too late. Here's to hopeful and wishful thinking that I get the firm offer from USyd soon so that I can deliberate between Sydney and Melbourne and accept it before I jet off for the land of cheap labour and goods. Pardon the sarcastic and offensive remark. It doesn't seem very viable and realistic that it'll happen but I never give up on wishful thinking.

Even with the finals still days from being over, I'm celebrating the pre-finals-are-over feelings. It's just the anticipation that shakes me and makes me shift my focus away from the important things to the more enjoyable things in the future. Focus, focus! I've already pre-selected the clothes that I'll be bundling up in China and Organizational Control isn't drilled inside my head yet. I wonder if everyone else experience this similar dire situations like me.

And at the same time, the same gnawing and nerve-rattling feelings are attacking me that whether I'll pass Management or will I be granted exemptions for the past subjects I already studied and so much more which I don't want to bore people with.

I've noticed a trend in my writing style over the past few months. It's gotten to a point which I myself find it hard to read and stomach. I tend to write about really mundane things like exams, friends, assignments, family, television, books, and the like. Well, I'm making a pre-New Year's Eve resolution to myself to be more interesting and adventurous in terms of blogging and similar writing situations.

Excuse me while I return to drowning myself in incomprehensible notes and gibberish into the night.
Jill |


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