The Misanthropic Misadventures of an Idealist

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 | 16:28

feet first

I am Jill's obsessive compulsive disorder.

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake."

It's been almost a week since I first watched 'Fight Club'. The movie is on right now for the sixth time as I'm writing this. I don't know how long this compulsion might last but while it does, I should try to convey my thoughts and feelings about this film and its apparently nihilistic ideals before it goes away and I have nothing left to make of it.

If you're wondering why I'm writing in an odd form of the third person, I suggest you just run with it because only those who've watched the movie will understand the significance of it. I hope that's enough to intrigue you already to get the DVD. I can't guarantee that this will be a spoiler free zone so read at your own risk. Like I don't have to tell you that already.

Before I go further, I would like to once again heap praises upon Edward Norton's and Brad Pitt's performances in this movie. Like I said in my previous post, I can't get enough of Edward and especially his brilliant portrayal of the melancholic and complicated narrator as he goes on a downward spiral journey of self destruction and enlightenment. Norton as the narrator is convincingly depressed, confused, sardonic and quite hilarious at times throughout the movie. Norton and Brad make one of the best on screen pair I've seen in a long time. They play each other off so well, that when the twist ending is revealed, it seems too unbelievable and yet we stay with it because it's too good to be true.

I am Jill's complete lack of absolution.

"If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"

There are some times in my life that I feel and act like a slightly different person than who I really am. No one really is the wiser but sometimes there are some deviations from the norm and they pick up the little nuances. I don't totally change my mannerisms or language or personality, it's just that I would on some days be nicer or nastier than I would on other days. People change and mature over time and not simply overnight. That would just be insane, now won't it.

Could a person deliberately do something so drastic just to change their life? I don't know if I could purposefully destroy all my worldly possessions, give up my comfortable life, just to realign my perspective on life and open my eyes to what I've been hiding myself from the whole time. If you talk to yourself, does that mean you're a crazy person and just trying to live vicariously through another personality and person to escape the rudimentary. To go against the grain of what the media and the commercial has us believe what we would want to be and do and let the pieces of what remained in your life fall into place on its own, is what 'Fight Club' subscribes to. I don't wholeheartedly agree with the nihilistic opinions and dilapidated states of the characters' lives but it definitely is something to opine over and ponder its deeper meanings.

I had a very strange dream last night which ended with me waking up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat and my heart racing. It was like my brain was pumping acid through out my body and all I could do was lay there and try to calm down this sudden panic attack. I don't know why such a strange sensation was induced or even what I had dreamed to maybe cause it. The good news, is that I managed to go back to sleep after only five minutes of it. Nevertheless, it is very disturbing but it could have resulted from having watched 'Fight Club' a bit too many times.

I am Jill's eyes wide open.

"On a long enough time-line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

Watching this movie is not going to save your life. Nor will it change, alter, enlighten or make a 180 degrees turn on your own self worth, motivations, perceptions on life, and esteem issues. In all probabilities, it won't change a thing that you might see in yourself, your life and in others as well. When you wake up, nothing would have changed. Your problems wouldn't be solved and you will have to go through the same routine again. If it does, then good on you. But for the most highly and likely of outcomes, watching this film could just simply blow your mind and allow you think a little bit more than you did the day before.

Preaching ideals and thought processes about what you should think or not think, is and never has been my strong forte nor do I want it to be. But once in a while, I like to think that I can influence others' in their perceptions and outlook on life and all that it has to offer through a carefully composed essay. Nothing would have changed with the end of this essay. I would like to think that I have changed my life just that little bit with this composition but in all likelihood, that's not going to happen.

A movie is still a movie. And your life is your life. Despite trying not to think too much about what you want to do, how about actually doing it? I should speak. But what I can is do.

Jill |

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