Am supposed and in the middle of perusing a bunch of research articles for an OB team assignment due next week but here I am.
Why?
I refuse to indemnify my dignity with answering such a rhetorical question.
The week in all last tallied up to nights of snacking, DMCs (Deep Meaningful Conversations), browsing lists upon lists of article titles that mean nothing to me, running after trams from the front door of IH, and catching the ever elusive IH Play "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead".
Somewhat productive yet I feel totally unaccomplished. Well at least I have the indulgent priviledge to say that my accounting knowledge isn't exactly rubbish yet as I still can tell the difference between prepayments and accruals and discount allowed and purchases returns. It's been a while since I've had a proper sit down conversation with the guy and with me sniffing and tolerating a sore throat even throughout it all. If I had looked really horrible with eye bags and unkempt hair, he was really too polite not to mention anything.
The mid-semester break is almost upon us and I haven't a clue as to what my plans are going to look like. I really want to explore Australia and yet I actually just want to stay here visiting the nooks and crannies of what Melbourne has yet to offer me.
There're just too many things floating and getting all tangled up there now in my knotty head to sort them out properly. The topic on guys is pretty stagnant even though I do want to approach a certain someone but is really off limits due to engagement issues. Too tired to even explain myself I'll leave it at that and let your minds wonder and ponder on it.
I have a sudden immense craving for natural muesli cereal drowned in mango and or strawberry yoghurt and half a cup of soy milk.
Okay fine, I can't contain the indignation any longer. Getting to know the guy was the worst mistake I could ever make and realising it now just makes it all worse. Half-heartedly joking I want him to actually leave so that I don't have to see him anymore and so I won't feel this sense of wanting to see and talk to him anymore and yet I want him to stay just where he is just so I can observe from far untouchable and unobtainable.
Alright, I'm done screwing with my emotional gravity pull and stringing everyone else along for the crappy ride.
I need a job. I want a good paying job. Like maybe in the IH kitchen on weekends. Perks included.
Struggling to concoct a catchy and or snappy slash witty phrase, I realised that I just couldn't be arsed to do it after getting only five hours of sleep the night before having to go for the umpteenth career fair exhibition thing where big multinational corporations come scouting for Malaysians in Melbourne. Yeah, like they couldn't it do it back home but then again I'd never bother myself to attend any of those things if not for my dad or mom reluctantly encouraging me to go for it lest I become one of those "unfortunate" twenty-somethings who still live with their parents. I swear I'd remove myself from the house once I secure a good paying job and livable and rentable place once I graduate.
Anyway, back to the topic of job-searching and career-fishing. Went there for about an hour or so, feeling all sleepy-headed and unaware of my surroundings still, but managed to scout out three firms; P&G, Petronas, and Shell, submitted my stuffs, and departed for Smith Street to exchange a pair of Havaianas which was a size too big for a smaller size which I can only get them back in a day or two. The price I have to pay for the vanity and comfortness that comes with a Havaianas. The Graduan Careers Fair organised by MASCA was pretty good and interesting except that I'd have to return there again tomorrow or possibly later in the day as well for additional talks or tests. P&G was rather attractive so I'll probably be heading along that area. Plus, I got a free jumbo can of Pringles; Smoky BBQ flavoured. Greed driven ambition equals free junk food.
Oh and did I mention that I kept checking the time every five seconds or so to tell myself that I'm not late or too late for my lunch self help but ultimately I arrived back by tram half an hour late and myself out of breath and him giving me a cheeky grin and or maybe a condescending shake of the head.
Besides pompously flitting from fair to fair, try as I might, the work just seems to pile up effortlessly on my table and is showing through the lack of marked off tutorials that I've yet to do and lectures and notes that I've been meaning myself to get through to reading before every lectures of the week so as to not make a fool of myself if I accidentally fell asleep in class.
Why do I feel so out of of it and not myself these few days?
Winter is beginning to wane and spring is awakening where I sometimes feel the spirit of spring blossoming when I walk to classes and back as I occasionally find my lips curling up into a small smile and taking in all the little buds of flowers peeking out from cracks and corners of the most obscure places.
I so need to get a part-time or casual job. Fast. Speaking of money matters, I'll be fifty dollars richer by this time tomorrow where I've been taken in to be a tour guide of IH showing prospective local students the IH way, how the college looks and feels like, and basically reeling in future students to stay here next year. Pretty ironic since it is a high possibility that I won't be staying here next year but oh well. It's still fifty bucks.
IH Play, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" to attend, an overdue movie night to go to, Jamaican National Night choir practices, mid-semester tests, group assignments, and optional skills assignment make up the bulk of my agenda for the next week or so.
Wish me luck.
On a more personal note, subtleness is overrated and so is being aloof. Let's just be more open and less discreet in what we feel about something or someone without the other person having to guess at what you're trying to do or say. It's just as frustrating to the sayee as it is to the sayer. Not to say that I do act that way as well but I just hate the face that we're actually still acting this way when I think being frank and forwardness should be the way to go. I do wish I could just be open and truthful to everyone I interact with but some close minded people probably would just die from being exposed to such outright bursts of passion and thoughts. This culture of being cool and assumptions is just getting on my nerves and pretty soon I'm sure I'll explode into a fiery ball of hurtful truth and open frankness.
That's what the condition and situation going around IH is all about currently. People coming down with flu, cough, runny noses, and bouts of fever. I hope I'm not the next one to fall ill and have to spend two weeks recuperating from the infectious return of the IH virus.
Been another long blank space from the last update since. Not much has happened unless you count being laden with future assignments, presentations and mid-semester tests burdened on your calendar for the next two months as something. In addition to the upcoming IH National Night with Jamaica being the theme then, the IH Play, and several other events being held in future which should be fun to go along and or just enjoy from the stands.
A crucial and main part of the past week was spent planning for the future. Yeah. Career and job searching perseverence, bulking up your resume, and prospect seeking fresh graduates of the future. Apparently it's best to start applying for internship back home as it will give you a head start in the working world when you graduate as you can boast about your getting to intern for two months at most at some big-ass corporation where you get to learn the ropes and do some PPF (printing, photocopying and filing) at the same time while coworkers encourage the little flame of inexperienced strength and courage in you. I just never thought that I'd have to do this so soon. Plus I don't even have any solid working experience to account for in my resume. The visa working permit better go well come Monday as I'm planning on visiting the DIMA office in the city to get my new visa label that'll enable me to work for a maximum of 20 hours a week during semester and unlimited hours during the holidays. I just hope finding a job would be just as easy. I don't really mind getting causal or part-time work anywhere just as long as it's withing walking distance at the very least so that I don't have to splurge on tram costs. All this talk about work jargon has had my head spinning for a bit. Unwinding with a couple of guy friends for the last few days whom I hardly spent time with last semester was good and fun. It actually helped keep my mind off things for a bit while letting me focus on some other important matters. It's like a whole new perspective has opened up to me. It's really odd being around this many guys yet not developing any intimate feelings for them but only in a very platonic way. Refreshingly weird this is. Though the guys whom I really want to talk to always seem to be with other groups of people or I just can't seem get close enough to without a little bit of alcohol involved. Okay, when things seem to can't get better without alcohol, you know you've reached the end of the road.
Turn back now!
Right. Anyway, overall I just really want and desperately need to improve a lot more on this second semester subjects. I'm currently enjoying my Organisational Behaviour lectures and classes while Corporate Law is quite interesting as well. I think generally American lecturers tend to relate better with us weary-eyed and cynical undergrads or maybe it's just these two lecturers of mine that are like that. In any case they're good and I'm just happy that I can actually stay awake fo the duration of the lectures despite them being either held in the late afternoon or in the morning and being two hours long.
Another thing that's been harping on for a while now is the status of my residential address in Australia next year. Am I or am I not going to remain staying in IH? Am I moving out on my own or with my brother or with a friend or two? Is there a chance for me to actually move into the Avenue Apartments in IH next year where it's slightly cheaper? So many unanswered questions bothering me at this time. Everything is circumstantial. Only time and situational decisions will tell I suppose.
On a final note, home cooked vegetable curry is good, just not any IH curry. Five days a week classes is just no fun.
