Tuesday, August 19, 2008 | 10:30
outside in looking glass
When was the last time I actually talked about anything else that didn't involve the topic of me, myself and I? I mean well, since this is my blog, I suppose it's natural and a given that the main subject of this blog would be ME. I don't even like talking about myself outside of this blog with friends, family or a stranger. But here, I can blab on and on about anything and almost everything that involves myself in it even though someone might get hurt from reading this. Not that I've intentionally wanted to hurt anyone with my writing which I really hope I did not and will not do at all.

Anyways, the point is, I guess I'm just tired and bored of simply replaying my life in slow motion and put in writing when some remotely interesting and sometimes exciting event happens in my life. I want to return to my previous life of blogging where I can simply talk freely about anything and everything that didn't necessarily involve ME in the picture. It is definitely a hard thing to do and keep up, I can witness to that, but it's worth a try, eh?

Last night's prayer and worship meeting at my local church was a good one. For the special reason that it was the last meeting of the course thing that I have been attending weekly since four weeks ago. It recapped all the things we have learned and applied to our lives of what worship really is, was, and should be. I guess I still have a lot to learn about attempting to live a (w)ho(l)ly virtuous life. It's definitely a learning and ongoing process even for the senior pastor who's half a century old already but still look about ten years younger than other people his age.

It definitely can be stressing and awkward to explain to people of why I go to church, why I serve in church, and what I do for the life of the church so willingly even when I really don't have to. I try to keep it simple that I just figured that I could help out in some area of it and along the way make some cool new friends whom I would never have had the pleasure of talking to if I just simply attended Sunday morning service every week like it was a ritualistic event. It's a very organic experience, if you want to put it that way, as in that you grow as the people and the church grows.

It's taken a long time to get to this point in my life where I can comfortably say that I follow God and not a religion. To understand that it is not Christianity, the religion, that I subscribe to, but it is about having a relationship with God that is what we all strive for. Identifying oneself as a Christian is a straightforward and nonsensical way of telling others the fact that you have a relationship with Him and that you can then explain to people that way. Frankly, there are Christians out there that terrify the hell out of me with their ritualistic, superiority attitude and condemnation of everyone who doesn't read the bible.

I confess that I was one of those lacklustre followers of God that didn't attend church or read the bible but would admit that I was a Christian albeit not a very good one if someone should ask. There would be that moment of hesitation to explain why I didn't attend service regularly and of why I was one even. In all honesty, I didn't understand it myself either and I would just go along with it that I was born into a Christian family but that we just weren't very strong in maintaining that relationship with Him. It doesn't mean that we lost our faith, it's just that we the spectating Christians who look and listen but do not do.

Alright, see how this has become another boring post of ME. Pfft. Maybe I just can't ever escape this cycle. It is MY blog and if I actually started writing about other people and stories and events, it will just turn itself on me about what I think and I should do about it. It's oxymoronic that I should even want to attempt to do anything but write about what I know because that is all I know and should write about.

With that said, my life of course doesn't revolve around the church. I do do other things and meet other people and want to explore new things every day. Attempting to strengthen possible future relationships and obtaining new skills are the only vague outlook of my life that I can share right now. So run off and do something unorthodox in your life now and maybe you might discover some sort of revelation that you never thought even existed.
Jill |

Anonymous cousin had this to say at 21 August, 2008 00:38
eloquently articulated! that's a mouthful. but ya, *claps* for entry. living in a now current world of godless liberalists, including yours truly, i find that the people who do believe in god and ascribe to organized religion are the ones not being cut any slack these days so it's admirable to be open and proud about whatever you do, gay,straight, churchgoer,atheist. it's the extremists that are the scary ones, i agree. there is absolutely no need for rationalization or defending your reasons for believing in whomever you want to believe and attending whatever you want to attend. it's a free world!

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