The Misanthropic Misadventures of an Idealist

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 | 21:35

i swear

My blogging routine seems to have dwindled down to an average of two or three times a week from my daily postings of last year.

The finals are next week so rants and all that crap will be put off till 6th of May. I'm beginning to feel the pressure and stress but it's good stress as I can study better and concentrate more when I'm being pressured. I'm sure a lot of people probably operate like me or maybe I'm just a lazy bum. Whatever it is, I can't wait for next week to come. Just to get it over with.

A random thought sprang to my mind again (what else is new?) just yesterday. It's a hypocrisy that surrounds the use of swear words that we use everyday. Adults are presumably mature and old enough to know when and how to use foul language in our everyday life. However, we always discourage and punish children for using them.

Of course! You may very well say that. But what then gives the adults the right to swear all the same. It's not like there's an outright rule that says that teenagers at the age of 13 can use midly offensive words like 'damn', 'shit', and 'hell' and people reaching the age of 18 can use more crude words like fuck. (apologies for the rude language again) It's a bloody unwritten rule that just seems to discriminate once again. This war of the words seems very screwed up and just plain stupid. If you really don't want children learning the language then just don't use it. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean that you can freely use these words among your peers just because they are using it too. Children are bound to pick these words up anyway one day and when they do learn to use them, you can be sure that they're not going to waste any time not using them just to show that they are "adults" as well. Swear words should just be banned from dictionaries and vocabularies. Or we should make up less harsh words to say when we get pissed and angry.

Fark could replace fuck. Shit with shat. Heck with hell. And so on. Even among adults we criticise people for using foul language when we use them just as well. Once again the hypocrisy is dominating people. We are our own worst critics. I try not to use them but my efforts are really in vain. The words just spill out of your mouth before you even realise what you just said. It's horrible and yet no one is making an effort to try to curb this swearing habit of ours. Maybe we just don't want to. It's probably some ego thing that we habour in ourselves that using swear words would make us seem more "grown-up" or mature enough to talk anyway we like. In any case, as much as I hate to admit it, this is just another hypocrite talking to the hypocrites of the world.

Bear with me for a moment for it's another JL paragraph coming up here. I was watching the show yesterday and the story had all the seven members sort of bitching, arguing, and pissing each other off as individual superheroes would, what with their egos and stuff. And it dawned on me that they, as adults mind you, did not even use a single swear word. This was what started it all by the way. Technically JL is a children's show but in reality this would never happen. Batman would probably be going head to head with Flash, slashing out at each other verbally with words that even the Malaysian censorship board would be horrified to let the children of Malaysia hear. All the labelings of 'bitch', 'bastard', 'dumb-ass', 'm*th*r-f*ck*r', and all sorts of colourful language would be more suited to such verbal abuse that the JL members would use on each other rather than the kid-friendly language that cartoons are more attuned to. It was a reality check for me when I watched them battling out with each other that I just said aloud, "There's no way that they would get angry with each other like that. Where's all the swear words?"

This is probably just me but if we want to protect the children so much there should never have been any swear words to begin with. I wonder who was the bastard or bitch who started this long tapestry of words that eventually lead to the degradation of society today.

Phew. This ranting thing is wearing me down. It's up to you whether you want to swallow your pride and accept that fact or not but hey, it's not my place to preach my words.

Jill |

Friday, April 22, 2005 | 18:09

baby times

Haven't been out in a long time so yesterday's expedition of sorts was as good as anytime to go out and let loose a bit.

The last time I saw Adelynn was a few months back during our New Year's party/get-together in my house, so it was good to see her again. And Alwin too. The three of us scoured and ronda-ed around in 1Utama for a few hours, just talking and gossiping and playing pool as well. It was my first time playing that game so I felt like a little girl learning everything all over again. Maybe a few more games will let me get used to it and play a lot better. I had cake again today. My guilty conscious is getting to me now. No more indulging for a long time now. I think I've put on a few pounds again since the beginning of this year already. Yikes. I can feel the pounds in my face and thighs. And arms. Eep. After that we hit Sharon's place to visit the sick-stricken girl. It seems the flu bug is hitting everyone these days. I've been suffering from sneezes and sniffs all week long. So, yes, it was fun too just relaxing and crapping about random stuff in the comforts of a friend's home.

My studying progress seems rather hindered for the moment. I can't seem to concentrate very well these days. Even though I seem to have all the time in the world to study and do revision I can't get myself to sit still for an hour or two and just concentrate on the work at hand. There're too many distractions in my room and house; namely tv and movies. I'm such a movie addict. I could probably sit down and just watch movies only for a few days straight. With the inclusion of a few hours sleep between movies here and there. No. Not good at all. Got to stay focused and leave all the movies for after the finals. My assignment results are not as good as I hoped they'd be. Yes, I can get very pissed when I don't expect things to happen as I expected them to be. And this is one of them. I honestly thought I did not a shabby job of my Marketing assignment but apparently the lecturer didn't agree with me. Grr. Whatever. I'm maddeningly pissed with the marks but I won't let him know about my anger and bitchiness by sulking in college. Just got to try harder and smarter. I officially hate Marketing now. But it's probably just my bitchiness side talking here.

I really don't hate everything as much as people like to think I do. Or don't.

There was this bugging and nagging rant at the top of my head for the past few days which I really have to let off now.
People, and I mean girls and ladies and women actually, feel that they have (must) to give birth to a baby boy or girl one day. I think that's quite extreme. It's not a case of must but why would you? Just because society dictates that we should. Or because of parents wanting a grandchild to preen and pamper day and night. Or for some other higher reasoning where it is our sacred duty to continue our family line and name or generation thing.

I remembered way back when I actually thought of how many kids I wanted to have. A boy and a girl. That was my ideal. I would have the best of both worlds; a boy and a girl. One of each. And the number two was also my favourite number then too. Now, I'm thinking again. Why would I want kids? Just to fulfill some inner self itching to experience the painful childbirth process. Or just to be another mom. I really don't know yet but when it comes, it comes.

There're over 6 billion people in the world as of 2000. It's five years since then so it's probably a little over 6.5 billion at the least, I should think. We don't need to increase the world's population any more than we should. It's selfish to think that we have to have a baby just because we want to. Just because we want to experience the "joys" of childbirth. There're so many orphans in the world today that could easily fill in that joy of having a child without birthing another baby. It's also much less painful than having to go through pregnancy and those baby weening years. Unless you opt to adopt a baby then that's fine as well. I think I would adopt a kid if I could. Why go through childbirth and waste your body, unless you happen to have access to a personal trainer to get back to your original shape in two months or less? You'd be doing that kid and yourself a favour. You'd be giving the kid a chance to live again and you get to fulfill that empty void of parenting that one day most of us would probably feel.

Most people would probably don't agree with my thoughts but I'm not here to advocate them and push it into their brains. This is just another one of those random and slight insightful thoughts that most people won't normally talk about much less think about.

I hope I've given you something to think about today. Cheers.
I've abandoned that long ranty post on Superman now since I can't mould my thoughts into somewhat concrete points and ideas that would even sound mildly convincing for this blog.

Jill |

Tuesday, April 19, 2005 | 01:16

day of contentment

To start things off today, I'd like to wish the Somewhat-Mysterious-(Un)Named Cousin a Happy 19th Birthday today! It's almost the nineteenth but what the heck, right. Better late than never. Another day older, albiet wiser as well. Go visit her Devart page!

I think I'm beginning to get into the swing of things of studying more and fooling around less. All the videos have been burned and safely stored away for safe-keeping until the next time I want to watch those old reruns again. A very long time I think. I've got a whole bunch of DVDs to watch during my two week semester break after my finals, courtesy of the cousin. And my reading pleasure time is being utilised well. So, I'm pretty much contented at the moment.

Anyways, I've got only three days of college to attend to this week as Thursday is a public holiday. Yay. Leaves me more time to do other stuff like catching up with friends, movie-watching and studying in between.

My mind seems exceptionally blank today and for once I don't have anything specific to rant about. The Superman discussion unfortunately has to be put off again as I can't seem to put down the ideas into constructive words and witty criticisms. So, yes, until another over-the-top post.

Jill |

Thursday, April 14, 2005 | 23:17

x is for . . .

. . . xylophone. That's the only word I remember. Oh, wait I know; xenon!

Another week gone. Well, almost gone. Another weekend is here and I hope I don't have plans to go out or anything like that as it'll distract me from my studying plans. I so need to catch up on loads of materials and questions if I want to even pass the subjects.

Sigh.

I feel old. I think I'm having a, quote a friend of mine "mid-teen-life crisis", or something like that. I feel uninspired to go on any longer. It's the same routine every day. Wake up, go to college, doze in class, study at home, watch tv, computer-ing, and sleep. Oh, don't forget eat too.
I need something to get me going again. Something to spur me on to want to go ahead and do something. Anything. I need something akin to a shot of espresso in the morning when you're feeling droopy or sleep-headed. I've yet to find it.

I wish I could de-age myself. Like de-grow myself to when I was ten. Yeah, ten. I think that's about the right age for me to really enjoy life and not worry about almost anything. Just about what to eat and when to sleep. Sure, there's school but it wasn't really that tough after all now that I think about it.

There're so many perks for me to being a kid:

You can eat almost everything and whatever you want without growing fat, provided you stay active and not become a couch potato.
You can watch all the cartoons you want without being labeled a weirdo.
It's alright to jump around as you can just say that you're restless or plain hyperactive.
You can get away with crying in public.
You'd have parents pampering you and succumb to almost every whim or yours. Provided that they're not too outrageous or anything sadistic
You can play with dolls and toys and no one would look at you strangely or call you a paedophile.
Girls would be taller than boys at that age.
Reading would be more of a joy since all inhibitions would be thrown out the window and we'd be able to savour and enjoy the book more.
Imagination and creativity are not limited as everyone knows that children are better at absorbing things and learning new things at a young age.
You'd be gullible and naive enough to honestly express your opinions and thoughts without masking your true feelings like adults do.
Boundless energy would be bestowed upon you as you'd be able to do things most adults can't.

Adults and Kids

I just watched "Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker", thanks to a certain cousin's recommendation and it was not bad at all. I actually watched the last fifteen minutes of the show some years ago on celestial tv so watching the whole thing just filled in the plot holes for me now. I actually prefer Bruce Wayne "caped" Batman to Terry McGinnis "futuristic" Batman but I'm not complaining. I'm more of an old-school type of person so I'm all for the cape, no matter how annoying it may get in the way of crime-fighting. It was a very different type of animated cartoon fare that we are more usually attuned to. (aka Disney movies) It was something like anime-ish-plot combined with Americanised stylised animation. Twisted yet interesting.

And Ecklie sucks! CSI fans would understand my sentiment.

Well, work is waiting for me to complete them now.
This is the third time in a row that I've mentioned the Dark Knight in my post. I've got to stop this.
Oh, and my analysis on why Superman dons that blue and red outfit will be postponed to a future post. This entry is long enough as it is already.

Jill |

Monday, April 11, 2005 | 22:09

just reminiscing

The realisation of the extent of narcissism in me just kicked in this afternoon. I do spend quite a lot of time prepping myself up and change clothes/outfits quite a number of times till I finally settle for the same old things I always wear. I do try to limit the time I spend primping myself up but I'll take forever unless there's someone bugging me to hurry it up. I'm becoming so vain. The mirror is my friend for life. Well, not technically but it's always there when I need it. I can't seem to resist looking at myself even when I pass a reflective window pane. I just have to look. Why must I look? It's a curse.

I had a childhood moment this morning. Woke up and went downstairs in anticipation of breakfast and coffee and comics. Still in my pjs, there was no newspaper waiting for me. Thus, went ahead to prepare my breakfast, which consisted of CocoCrunch and a good dousing of milk, and proceeded to seat myself in front of the TV since there was nothing else for me to entertain myself while I eat. I always need to entertain myself some way while I eat. Turned on the TV to Cartoon Network, settled to watching Teen Titans (wasn't a very good episode but entertaining nonetheless) since JL or any other worthy cartoons was not on, and munched away happily on my chocolate flavoured cereal with fresh milk turning a shade of chocolate brown.

That was when it struck me. The last time I did something like this was when I was at least ten. That's almost ten years ago. It felt strangely nostalgic and at the same time childish that I can eat cereal in my pjs. However, I don't spill milk anymore like I did those ten years ago, so that's a good thing. So, yes. I love recalling fond childhood memories since I'm teetering on the edge of teenhood and adulthood. The childhood years will seem so far away once I hit the big 2-0 next year as it's another phase of my life. Growing up is such a pain.

A brief conversation with my mother concerning my unhealthy interest in cartoons got me quite flustered again. The following is a not-so-accurate recap of what happened.

Me: [blankly watching cartoons]
Mother: [huge sigh] Why are you watching cartoons again?
Me: [snaps out of blank state] Why? What's wrong with cartoons?
Mother: Isn't there anything else to watch? Why are you always watching cartoons? There's something wrong with you. [tsk, tsk]
Me: No. I like watching cartoons. They're fun.
Mother: It's just not normal for someone like you to watch cartoons. Not at this age. [leaves me alone]
Me: [mumbles "Whatever" and returns to pure cartoon joy-watching]

Seriously. What is wrong with watching cartoons? Why must cartoons be discriminated and let children be the only ones allowed to watch them? Tell those people who created these cartoons that they're weird. Tell Genndy Tartakovsky (apologies if I misspelled his name) that he's weird and childish. Without him there wouldn't be any Dexter's Lab or PPG or Samurai Jack or Clone Wars. Not that I watch the last one but that's beside the point and I'm diverting again. Sure, most adults who watch them might be mature/old, bearded, pot-bellied, introverted and maybe secluded people but I bet there're loads of closet cartoon-watchers out there. They're just not brave enough like me to come out admitting this fact. I do know several cartoon-watchers like me who also admit this truth but that's not enough. Let all adult and teenage cartoon-watchers be free and liberated to admit that they do watch cartoons and enjoy it too! Well, it's not really a very catchy propaganda motto but it's a start.

Here's an example of a potential and future conversation between a closet cartoon-watcher and me; the open cartoon-watcher.

Open: Do you watch cartoons?
Closet: [looks around shiftily or starts to nervously touch self] No! Never. Cartoons are for children! Why should someone like me watch cartoons? They're childish and are only meant for kids and babies below ten!
Open: Well, I disagree. I watch cartoons and I'm alright now. It's okay to say you like watching cartoons because no one is going to label you a childish freak or nerd. There're lots of closet cartoon-watchers out there and I'm just trying to bring them out.
Closet: [starts freaking out] I do not watch cartoons! Why do you insist I watch them!? What's wrong with you?! I know. You're trying to brainwash me. That's it. Well, I won't let you! I don't watch cartoons! And that's your problem if you do! Freak! Nerd!
Open: You don't have to shout. Fine. I'll leave you alone. Just think about it. Call me if you need anything. [hands a card with 1-800-CARTOONS-AID printed on it] A partner to watch mind-numbing hours of Justice League episodes or even a Batman Beyond movie. I'll be there. I'm here to help you.
Closet: [takes card and scrunches it up] I don't need your help! I don't watch dumb cartoons and I'm fine! Goodbye! [leaves stomping away]
Open: That went well.

If you recall the last time I ranted on about cartoons, I want to add something mildly related to that topic now.
Does anyone else respect Batman aka Bruce Wayne as much as I do? (with the exception of the cousin) I do now. This profound respect for him just came to me this afternoon when I was trying to study my Microeconomics text book. Let's start at the beginning.

Bruce's parents was killed by a cold-blooded mugger when he was only eight. And he was there to witness it. Imagine having to suffer such trauma at such a young age. He goes on with life, probably scarred forever by that tragic incident, but still manages to succeed. Aside from the fact that he inherited that larger-than-life fortune from his deceased parents, he still makes it. He's rich, good-looking, buffed, a martial artists expert, brilliant, analytical, has a mass assortment of weapons at his beck and call, owns at least twenty sports cars and super bikes in addition to that slick Batmobile, Batplane, and Bat-err-boat/sub, has/had a sidekick and can still hold his own against the other superheroes out there while he's only a "man". He seems the perfect man. Right? No. He's cold, stoic, wooden, broody, moody, distant, dark and always seems to scare every single person, including his JL colleagues.

Where am I going with this? Well, that "man" didn't get there by slacking around did he? No. He worked his ass off, traveling the world to learn all he needed to, to become Batman. Sure, he has that vast inheritance of his, but he didn't let himself go and get laid or become a typical rich playboy when he could anytime. He vowed to become the vigilante of the night and bla bla bla. You know the rest. What I'm trying to get to is that Bruce is a perfect example of not just a cool superhero but of the ideal hardworking person. If we work half as hard as he did, we'd become almost half of what Mr. Wayne is. So, I now profess to try to work as hard as Bruce did. Well, maybe not that whole martial arts thing but at least the equivalent of it. He didn't get that CSI-like brain of his by boozing around. Nope. He stuck to the grindstone like any person would. He didn't need any super powers. Just a whole lot of guts and sheer determination.

That's done. I'm such a nerd. If there's any mistakes relating to Batman's history please correct me. No research was done.
Watch out for my next post on why Superman has such inner strength to wear that audacious outfit of his.

In other news pertaining to my life, I got an average of 30.75/40 for my Microeconomics midterm (15.25) and assignment (15.50). It's not very satisfactory but it's not bad either. I was hoping to score at least 34 but the highest is a 33 so I don't feel so bad now. I should go brush up on that subject now.

I hope this cartoon phase of mine passes over quickly so that I can concentrate on studying for my finals which is less than three weeks away.

Jill |

Saturday, April 09, 2005 | 15:24

yellow submarine

I don't know anymore. Why can't Blogger have this function that just spews out automated titles for people like me who can't think of any cute and witty titles and have to resort to mooching off music legends' song titles? I'm just worn.

Haven't had a long rested and deserving sleep in a long time now. Went to bed at around 2 in the morning and only opened my dreary eyes at 11 a few hours ago. Sleep is good. Very good after you've kind of wasted your body the previous day with overdrawn movies-to-watch and books-to-read and the occasional exercises too. And I finally treated myself to a cup of Baskin Robbin's chocolate mousse royale and cookies and cream for dessert yesterday night too. Mmm. Chocolate ice-cream never tasted so good.

And I take back my stab at Saturday morning cartoons being a drag now. Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon does not show too bad cartoons. I'm actually feeling myself being drawn towards Justice League for some reason or other. It's strange because I never really held Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman or the Flash in high regard before but I think this long-unwatched cartoon just might change my mind. It's still very kistchy and cheesy at times but it's kistchy and cheesy in a good way. They do wear spandex and tight uniforms but hey, superheroes are the only people who can pull them off without getting ridiculed and teased at from time to time. Maybe it's their super powers that deter normal people like us from actually teasing them openly for fear of being pounded to the ground. Maybe.

It's a strange feeling sitting here, sipping coffee away while being in my pajamas still and not have a thing to worry about for the moment. It's difficult to feel this way so often now. The stress has not gotten to me yet so that's why I don't seem to be panicking or going crazy as I did for my assignment that time. I work better under stress. It gives me this adrenaline to work faster and harder and a little smarter too just to finish it and do a good job too. Though I can be a little compulsive and a perfectionist at times but I try to refrain from going overboard.

I actually finished "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" yesterday morning but I was too lazy to blog about it. Yep, laziness is a virtue and a curse at the same time.
It's different. The book, I mean. It's supposed to be a children's book, I think or that's what the cover of the book stated, but I don't think I'd be recommending this book to any ten-year-olds or younger anytime soon. It's not that it's bad but just that some of its content are a bit too vulgar and mature for children below twelve. So, yes. But I liked it all the same. I can't explore too much of it now because I might give it away but if you want something light to read that doesn't take too much of your reading time, then this title is the book for you.

Well, my head is hurting slightly now. Could be the overdose of sleep this morning. Nine hours sleep is not usual for me. I feel like doing accounting practices now. Yes, I'm acting overzealous in my work. No, I'm not being over-prepared because I've yet to cover half of the Marketing chapters that we're supposed to study for finals.

And good afternoon to all.

Edit at 22:11 :
Having a small discussion with the cousin today just impulsed me to add some more things to this already long and overdrawn post. Nevertheless, it's my blog and I can do what I want. The topic was about cartoons. Old cartoons actually. So, that brought up the subsequent topic on who's cooler; Batman or Superman, which the cousin defended Batman incessantly. And I have to admit that I am starting to like Batman more to Superman now. It's got to be the cool gadgets. It's always the cool gadgets and gizmos and thingamajigs. And maybe because of the black suit too. I mean, bright red and blue? What was the man of steel thinking?

I want to watch Transformers! I've been hampering on that for a while now. And it's pissing me off because I can't get my fill on it since I don't know what happened to those tapes of hours of Transformers cartoons my brothers and I watched and re-watched again when we were mere children. Nostalgic moments and memories can be so painful sometimes.

And also I have to mention that I actually prefer watching animated Batman to real-life Batman. It's ironic because animated Batman feels more real to me than real-life Batman does, even though ani-Batman isn't real or physically touchable in any way. Ani-Batman seems way cooler and broodier and stoic at the same time. He's the only character I know who can be cool and wooden at the same time. And he does it with such flair too. Black is so classic. Though the spandex is another thing.

Then, we switched back on forth between Disney classic movies and Adams Family. It was fun reminiscing about old movies and cartoons. I still maintain my stand on old cartoons being cheesy but cheesy and corny in a good way.

I'm feeling giving today so here's some shots courtesy of the internet and the little people who inhabit it.

Animated Batman and Real-Life Batman
Animated Bruce Wayne and Real-Life Bruce Wayne

And a bonus for the guys out there; animated Bruce with Diana aka Wonder Woman

I'm sort of into quotes now and I just found the following one from this IMDB link funny. Okay, maybe not that funny but more of a cute moment. I suppose you've got to understand the whole Batman and Wonder Woman relationship thing a little bit better to get it, but for those who do, good for you.

[Batman and Wonder Woman are on a rooftop on stakeout. Wonder Woman notices some loving couples coming out of a nearby club]
Wonder Woman: Don't you ever wish you were down there?
Batman: I'm down there all I need to be.
Wonder Woman: Yes, but it's just a job to you. I'm talking about going down there and having some fun. Maybe... maybe with someone special.
[pause]
Wonder Woman: No. No dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time.
Batman: One: Dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two: You're a princess from a society of immortal warriors. I'm a rich kid with issues... lots of issues. And three: If my enemies knew I had someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me through her.
Wonder Woman: [crushes the head of a gargoyle with her hand] Next.
[an alarm sounds from an alley across the street]
Batman: There!
[fires his bat rope and swings away]
Wonder Woman: Saved by the bell.

Jill |

Friday, April 08, 2005 | 02:01

hypocrites are all around us

I think my attention span on vampires and the like has shifted to reading about the death of a poodle and a genius of a fifteen year old boy in "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". I'm halfway through the book already and am hoping that I can write a review about it tomorrow about the same time as now.

On to the rant of the day. Or night.

Everyone is a hypocrite. It's a fact. It's just how much and how far a hypocrite are you. We do things that may seem right to others but we might not feel about it the same way. One person goes along with the crowd, everyone goes along with that one person. And the cycle never ends.

Following the recent event in the news about the Pope passing on, I can't honestly say that I am absolutely sad or even remotely feel anything about this loss to millions of people all over the world. It affects every single person differently but I don't think that it's a solid reason to take the chance to "feel" sad when you really don't. It's like riding the wave of another just to get the "feel" of it. It's just plain despicable. You simply force yourself to feel sad and mournful when you clearly don't just because other people are doing it. It returns to following the "crowd" just to feel wanted. Bullshit.

I'm outrightly saying this that I don't feel sad nor intend to mourn about it for a whole week. However, I will respect those who genuinely feel bereaved and sorrowful about this tragic incident and will not intrude in it. That's life and we move on.

People will take any opportunity to make something out of someone. Whether it be someone's loss or gain, there will be someone out to make a profit from it. A tragic event is a profitable one. The evil geniuses know how to take advantage of a tragic incident, hence that Princess Diana thing and the recent Pope thing being so similar. The dark side will turn out one day when there'll be mugs, cups, placemats, spoons, forks, sporks, plates, tupperwares and all consumer-durable things being emblazoned with his face boldly without shame. Souvenir stands' owners will be the richest people behind Gates or Rowling as they cash in on that sole tragic event and milk it for all it's worth. And the worst part is, that most of these people will probably not be actual mourners but just want to "fit in" and "mourn" together with the truly bereaved.

Sometimes, people question me about why I can be so indifferent and distant about things and events that affect most people. The answer is that I simply don't feel the same way. Why should I pretend to feel sad about a person I know nothing of nor knew him or her? I don't need to go all sad and lament about how terrible that event was or cry crocodile tears over certain people's fate. I'll save my energy to do all the mourning and crying I want to do when it really affects me. So, yes it might be sad and horrible that people lost their homes and treasures, but what's the point of moaning about it when you don't bother to do something about it. You're just wasting the earth's precious resources of oxygen as you talk more and more about it but don't contribute a shit.

It's just like people telling you not to waste food when other people are starving in some African country. What will eating up every morsel of food do for them? It's not like all the food that we don't eat will fill their malnourished bellies. I think it's better if we actually toss food that we don't and can't eat away as stray animals will benefit it more from us than under-nourished children will as they are really far away and getting food to them would involve too much trouble for me or anyone else to handle. At least, decomposition is better for the earth too as waste will be converted back into the soil and feed the earth more. I know I read this somewhere in the newspaper one of those days but can't find it now.

If you really feel sad about something and feel so strongly about it, then do something. Go volunteer for MERCY Malaysia or the Red Cross but don't sit on your ass and just talk about it like you're a damned politician whose "work" is never done. All your work has to be delegated to someone lower than you while you relax in a lavishly furnished home and drive low-mileage and gas-consuming vehicles. I'm sorry that I don't feel so strongly about it even though I wish I could help. The least I can do is donate and hope that my money makes their way into the hands of someone who could really use an extra blanket or a sack of rice. Maybe one day when I do feel strongly about it I will volunteer and do something about it. But not today.

That felt good.

I'm done with my self-indulgent ranting for the night and my sincere apologies if I've offended anyone reading this wasted space of memory. I promise to try to keep my rants shorter than this but it seems to be getting longer everytime I do. God bless all.

Jill |

Thursday, April 07, 2005 | 15:13

zip it

My brain feels slightly rejuvenated and caffeinated now. I'm using the free wifi service at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at SS2 now since the Streamyx in my house is still down. Sipping low-guilt mocha latte while snuggling in a comfy and squashy couch is just perfect. The low-guilt thing is supposed to have no sugar added but it still tasted sweet to me. Maybe it's the mocha that's making it sweet. Hmm.
It's going to be another two days or more till I get to surf as freely as I used to. For now, it's pretty limited and I get quite cranky when I don't get to utilise the internet as often as I'd like to.

The highlight of my week was an activity I thought I'd never let myself succumb to. It was my college mate, Melissa's birthday on Monday and we were supposed to go to Redbox that afternoon after our lecture. However, the date was postponed to Tuesday, not that I mind that much. It was the fact that the activity that afternoon was karaoke. Yep. You read right. Karaoke. The last thing I'd expect myself to do. Nevertheless, I let myself be taken away in the excitement and intrigue of this singing activity that has supposedly enraptured Japan and now Malaysia.

I think it was the fact that I'd never done anything quite like this or as crazy as this before that ultimately allowed myself be taken away by my friends to indulge in such an event. I hate to say it but I think the bathroom-singer in me came out that afternoon as the four of us; Melissa, Huai Yi, Justin and I, sang our hearts out and danced quite a bit to songs ranging from Elton John, Phantom of the Opera, Britney Spears, Disney songs, and diva-like songs like Mariah Carey and Barbara Streisand. We were there from 3 pm to 6 pm and by the end of the belting-our-hearts-out session, my throat was sore and I could barely scream if I wanted to. I actually enjoyed screaming my lungs out to Linkin Park's "In the End". It's a great stress buster, it is. But in the end, I quite enjoyed it and am quite glad that I got to experience this karaoke-ing session for once. Not too sure if I'm up for another round but we'll see about it in the future.

Sigh.

What was I thinking about agreeing to go karaoke-ing?

The nicest shot of the day. For me that is.

I think my parking meter is running out so I have to go now. Bye and don't be too harsh on me about the pics.

Edit:
It seems that the Streamyx in the house is fixed and I can go online as I like now. Woot!

I know I had some rant ideas in this head of mine but it doesn't seem to be flowing as well as I'd like it to flow. I just made myself an asparagus topped with parmesan cheese toastie and dijonnaise sauce and it tasted yummy. The veggie craving is still going strong and I don't expect it to stop anytime soon. I seem to be making and eating lots of sandwich toasties these days. My fave filling are still PB&J and tuna with cheese. Melted cheese can be both a delish and a damned thing. Delish for being just oh-so-gooey and soft but damned for being so hot that it burns your tongue and lips. The latter happened to me twice already. But I still love melted cheese all the same.

I may return tonight for a long-fulfilled rant post. Now I feel like drinking Campbell's instant mushroom cheese soup.

Jill |

Monday, April 04, 2005 | 13:29

queer cider

I was supposed to post the entire following entry yesterday but the internet connection in my house was down due to some problem with TM Net Streamyx. So, I'm in college right now with the notebook blogging away and surfing the web like any respectable college/uni goer. I feel so "adult" in a teenage kind of way. It's so cliche since the scene looks almost exactly like those movie scenes where you observe college students tinkering away with their notebooks looking serious and carefree at the same time. The only difference between them and me is that I'm sitting in the corridor of the main block of HELP UC while people pass me by apathetically and not on green rolling lawns with the background of magnificent looking and ancient worldly buildings.

On to the main topic of the day. Or yesterday, actually.
Thought provoking and sometimes insightful. Touching and sentimental. At least most of the time it was like that. I think I thoroughly enjoyed it enough to dedicate a post to review it in all its splendour. However, if you don't want to be spared with spoilers you should go read something else or someone else's blog.

The title of the book can be quite misleading to some. If you're expecting a book vastly and mainly on apple cider or apple pie or anything closely related to baking, cooking or eating apples, then you're totally off and should go look for a cookbook instead. The setting is this cider house and an apple orchard but that's about it. The rules are something of a metaphor I suppose. That's what I think the rules are in any case.
Anyways, it took me a considerably shorter time to finish it as I thought that it'll be a boring book till the very end. And boring books usually take me longer to finish them. I was quite wrong. It was an interesting and fairly controversial yet discerning read, I have to say.
The characters were quite engaging and notable enough for me to ponder about and think about them. Though there were some parts that were left feeling a bit ambiguous to me so I couldn't really tell if he or she was really like that. But it was that ambiguity part that made me feel slightly more intrigued.
The story just made me see certain things in a different light now. I suppose the main topic of the entire book was about the legality and questionable ethics of abortion. Should it be legal? Why shouldn't it be legalised? Why should it? And if it is, is the doctor playing God willingly or not? As for me, my stand about it is still vague and sort of in the middle. But I won't go into a long debate about whether abortion should be legalised or not now. I'll leave that for the school debating teams, conservative religious figures and political activists to figure out and decide for themselves.
There are some rather graphic and explicit descriptions about the um, female anatomy and its more discreet parts. I would not recommend this book for children ages 13 below though. Definitely. They just would not understand it and probably will find it boring after the first few chapters. If you're squeamish and feel slightly embarrassed about discussing or reading about things like "vaginal speculum", "curette", "cervix", and "metal dilators", then don't go near this book. There's not really a whole chapter dedicated to describing the whole process of abortion, but these little things will pop out casually throughout the book. At first, I found it quite shocking that everything about the female's genital anatomy was described so placidly and nonchalantly like everyday subjects. It was like the readers had to be totally indifferent and familiar with all these terms to appreciate the book better. But after a few chapters of it, I didn't even feel intimidated or startled by it anymore. If someone was to describe the process of scraping the walls of the uterus to me, I wouldn't feel taken aback or embarrassed about it.

A small quiz here: Who would use a prophylactic?
Just a little test for curious people out there.

There were some funny parts and incidents in the story too but not laugh-out-loud funny. Just generally witty and cute scenes. Somehow, I'm having trouble trying to explain or describe some of them now. Well, they're not really that important so I shall not dwell in it any longer.

Overall, it was a good read. Worthwhile your reading pleasure. I think I'd like to watch the movie adaptation of it now. Just to make comparisons as to whether the cinematic treatment did justice to the book. The screenplay was by the author too. So Hollywood shouldn't have butchered the story too much.

On another note, that Levi's black jeans that I've been harping and desiring about for months now has probably been bought out in every store in Malaysia. Everywhere I go, it's either sold out or there're only the white and gold ones left. There was one last pair in the Mid Valley store one but it was too big for me. Damn it. Why must everyone have the same taste as me? I think I'm going to have to scout for some other black slacks or jeans now. Le sigh.
On the other hand, I did get a knee-length white Roxy pants at half price. I'm feeling so happy about that bargain. It isn't the board-shorts-type-of-pants-material that I really wanted but it's still nice nonetheless. So comfortable! I should look out for more clearance sales like that. It's the only time I will ever be able to afford anything Roxy. It's the perfect fit and just casual enough to wear to college in. Whee!

I'll be starting on the "Vampire Armand" by Anne Rice now. I need to read something supernatural or dark after such a grounded story.

I'm craving for stir fry chili spinach and steamed or fried chili asparagus now. I sound like a pregnant woman, craving for weird food at different and odd times of the day. I'm kind of on a veggie craving spree now. Anything leafy and crunchy and green sounds delicious to me currently. Maybe my body's telling me something. I'm probably veggie-deficient since I only really began eating my veggies just a few years ago. It's probably making up for all those years of non-vegetables in my diet.

Edit: Note to self: Bring a jacket or sweater to college when you're planning to surf in the corridor or you'll just let yourself freeze over. Toes, fingers and all.

Edit#2: A random, out-of-the-blue thought just came to me. Is it wrong to use a toilet or park in a handicap/disabled spot if there aren't any disabled people around or you there's not going to be any? I'm feeling slightly guilty now.

Edit#3: I'm doing lots of editing today, aren't I? What I'm doing while waiting for Microeconomics lecture to begin at 12pm.

Jill |

Saturday, April 02, 2005 | 00:09

killed my cat

April's Fool!

Yes, that was a lame joke. First of all, I don't own a cat and do not plan to anytime soon. Second of all, I'm too timid to slay anything other than the tattered pages of really old and worn out books. Moving on now.

There were two major highs of my day today.

The first being that I finally watched The Phantom of the Opera. The 2004 one. It was really quite entertaining except that I felt that there were a little too much of singing that I'm used to when watching musicals like that. Other than that, a good watch. If you like musicals of course.

The other being that, on a random visit to the Pay Less Bookstore at Atria today, I actually found, grabbed and purchased the first two books of the Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events for only RM12 each! It's selling at MPH and major retail bookstores for what, more than twice the slashed price. Woohoo! I feel so proud of myself for such a find. I think I'm going to visit that gem of a place more often now. Going to be on the lookout for more great bargains like that now.

I handed in my Marketing assignment this morning. And I got a 26.7 over 30 for my midterm Accounting paper. I don't know whether it's a HD or just a D but I'm rather smug about it. Hope it's a HD. It'll give me so much more incentive and encouragement to work even harder for my finals that's coming up in a month's time. I just hope we get back our papers so that I can analyse my mistakes.Yeah, I'm such a nerd.

I've been getting weird cravings these days. Even when I'm being stressed out, I can find time to identify those cravings.
My latest craving is for anything with peanut butter and jam topping. Pancakes, waffles, bread, toast, biscuit, and cereal. I feel like spreading PBJ on anything that can be spread on. I'm starting to crave for a traditional PBJ toastie right now. It's just addictive and makes the perfect comfort food.

On other days, I just wanted to watch old movies, read loads of comic strips, and cook.

The cooking thing is really getting to me. I need to expand my horizons and make something other than basic sandwiches and toasties, pasta dishes and really simple stir-fries. I want to learn Japanese cooking. Though I really don't think there's much real cooking involved since everything is raw and even just either boiled slightly, or fried in little oil for two seconds. I want to learn to bake exquisite and elaborate cakes and cookies. That is I can, once my mom decides to fit a full operating one in the kitchen. Until then, it's non-baking recipes for me.

Alright, fangirlism alert. Exit this blog right now if you do not like anything and everything related to Harry Potter.

I'm actually getting pretty hyped and excited about the sixth book coming out this July. The fourth movie is also shaping up to look really good, which is being released in November. If you're interested to know more about HP, just turn your attention to the sidebar and scroll downwards. The guy who plays HP in the movies is looking pretty good too. I can't believe I'm actually complimenting a guy four years younger than me about his looks. What is happening to me?!

I can't really explain my position in this whole HP fandom. I don't write long and thought provoking theories about the story, characters or even have any of the HP movies' actors splashed all over my desktop or room. But I do enjoy reading engaging editorials that speculate on the more intimate part of HP and it's in-depth reviews. Does make me an obsessed fan? Am I just riding on the current wave just to look cool? Why can't someone like something for simply what it is without being branded as a geek, nerd or a self-obsessed freak? Am I a love-sick almost-adult-person for generating a mild liking towards a younger boy?

Okay, that just came out wrong. Eew. Next topic. No scathing letters or notes accusing me of posing as a paedophile, please. I get more than my essential daily accusations at home already without more pointing the finger at me.

On a much lighter note, my two faves are still in the American Idol competition. Yay me for making such a good prediction! However, sad to say this, I think the first guy to leave will be Anthony. He's cute. But cute doesn't cut it. I hope I'm wrong.

Jill |

Friday, April 01, 2005 | 01:08

yes!

It's done!

The sheer joy and ecstasy after I've printed it all out cannot be described articulately in mere words here.

I've never appreciated sleep and rest so much till now.

I was going to wait till the next morning, that is April Fool's Day, tomorrow to post but I don't think my eyes can wait any longer.

Do you really expect a long and conspicously politically incorrect rant from me after that horrible ordeal I just hurdled over called an "assignment"?

The competitiveness and nitpicking in me will probably lead me to more scrutinising and maybe some minor ~~major~~ editing tomorrow morning before I hand it up at the office.

Goodnight all. Blogging should resume to normal tomorrow.

Jill |