Hmm. Yes, watched EP3 today, I did. It was fairly interesting plot-wise but really quite exciting. And Hayden definitely buffed up a lot this time. I wonder why people said that it was a tear-jerker. Well, I did feel sad for Anakin but that was the extent of it. To be really frank, Hayden's acting skills are not what I imagined them to be and was quite disappointed by him. It seemed that he basically decided to stick with one glaring look and went through the whole movie with that plastered face of feigned seriousness and angst. I think he was better in 'Life as a House' as this weirded and spaced out goth kid with black laquered nails and black eye-liner. And go Ewan McGregor because he's still cool no matter what roles he play. He's just very likeable. And I really disliked Natalie Portman because she just seemed quite fake to me. Like she was trying too hard. Nevertheless, it actually ended a lot earlier than I expected it to be. Or maybe the time just passed me by so fast that I didn't notice it. Whatever the case may be I think I like R2D2 a lot now after this movie. He's a cool robot thingy. Yups.
No, I haven't converted to being a Lucas fan as I am still very loyal to the LOTR community. I'm just glad that it's over now. Now it's time for Potter fandom to wash us all away come the end of the year.
Alright now. My anger and frustration over the yesterday mentioned main topic seemed to have subsided a notch down today. But now I just feel like ripping down the posted results papers on the notice board in college everytime I pass by it. And I have to pass by it everytime I go for lectures as it's on the way to the classrooms. But I must remain calm and cool. Composure is key. I can empathise with Anakin's feelings now as sometimes I do feel like I haven't been able to fulfill my utmost potential and there's something holding me back. I want to be able to do stuff but I can't. It's really frustrating and annoying that I just want to lash out at someone or anything or the next thing I get hold off. Yeah, I sound really quite violent now, don't I. But I think most everyone would feel like that at least once in their lifetimes.
That feeling where you just want to rip everything you touch into shreds and be just as destructive as you possibly can. I do. And it's not a pretty time to know what's happening in my mind during that moment.
And then I'll have my breakdown moments where I just want to give everything up and crawl into a hole and never come out forever. Last night when I went to bed was one of those moments. It's shallow but I actually felt that the world was crumbling away when I faced up to the fact that what would happen if I can't get my Marketing grade changed and upgraded to a Pass or a Credit. Does that mean I would have to retake the whole semester again or just the test? What if I don't get to graduate and go on to Melbourne? So many 'what if's and too little answers. It may not mean much ten years from now but to hell with ten years from now. It's the now that's important and last night I really felt like crashing down and never getting up again. I couldn't bear to think of that thought but I had to if I'm ever to wake up tomorrow. I hate myself for thinking like that. I really hate that this whole fucked up situation is happening to me right now.
It's like retribution or something. Because you never think that something like that would happen to you and then when it does, you don't know what to do or react accordingly. It sucks a lot. I can testify for that. Anyways, I feel quite sick now as I just ate a whole mango, popcorn, and half a papaya in the last three hours. Don't worry the mango was a small one and the papaya wasn't too big too.
