Suffocation. That's what I'm feeling right now. I feel lost. The world seems to be closing in on me. There's no more room for me to breathe. My mind is frazzled enough as it is already without the added stress and tension from worrying about my MKT110 appeal paper and now I've got two rather big assignments to be completed in two weeks time. I'm getting very anxious and nervous about completing them on time and getting a good grade on it too. I don't want to have to go through that whole fiasco of failing and stuff again. It's too stressful for me to handle.
A lot people seem to think that the grade was probably a mistake and it'll change but what if it doesn't? Will I have to repeat that subject again? And how can I when I can only take my last two subjects in the third and last semester of this year provided I don't fail my FLAW100 or I can't take LAW110 then. That would mean I would have to stay back in this country to retake the bloody course all over again. I think I'd just die. I can't stay back! There's no way I want to or will stay back. If I could leave now for any place aside from anywhere in Malaysia I'd leave in a heart beat. I never thought I'd be so anxious to leave this place before. Just earlier this year I was feeling a little homesick just thinking about leaving home but now I can't bear the thought of staying here for another day lest one more year in this hellhole. I should've just left when I had the chance. But there's no point in regretting my decision now as what's done is done. Though it would be good, really good, if I could turn back the clock and go back to that moment when my parents asked me about whether I really wanted to stay back and study or just go straight to Australia and study there. I'd kick and punch my past self in the head and ass to say a resounding YES to that proposal and I'd be there right now and none of this of crap would probably be happening. My notebook doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me on doing one of my assignments so I'll be forced to relegate myself to my brother's desktop computer for the next few days to work on my Business Statistics assignment which mainly deals with this tool in Microsoft Excel that my Excel doesn't support or maybe it's just toying with me and then after I'm done with my assignment and happily hand it in, it decides to work with me again. Why do these things always happen to me at the worst possible times?
In other news, I actually managed to get through to Mix.fm yesterday morning when I was driving to college in the morning. My handphone was on loudspeaker so I was quite safe alright. It was just a random call-in thing, where the topic of the morning was about which celebrity(ies) you would like to spend a relaxing Sunday morning or afternoon with and why, and not a price-winning one unfortunately. It's just too darn difficult to get through for those call-ins. Anyway, I do not sound like myself at all and the things that you hear on the radio are really not live at all and are actually recorded as I found out myself. And of all things I forgot to say goodbye at the end of my call. My manners just went out the window from the slightly overwhelming excitement of getting through to a radio station.
I managed to squeeze in some movie watching time this afternoon when I got back from college and running a few errands. 'Sin City' turned out actually pretty good. If you like black and white/noir-slasher-mob-gun toting baddies-and partially full frontal nudity movies. This time I didn't place much expectations on this film as I really had no idea or references whatsoever to aid me in my watching this movie. Main highlights would be Bruce Willis because he just seems like the ideal redemption-cop-turned-baddie-for-good, in my opinion, Elijah Wood doing some really quite cool kick-ass moves while not speaking a word in the entire movie and looking incredibly creepy as well with glasses, Alexis Bledel in a non-conventional role other than that of 'Gilmore Girls', and Josh Hartnett for once not playing a goofball role in a movie. Can't reveal too much about the movie too because of spoiler alerts. I'd watch this again on the big screen just to fully realise that experience of cinema watching. I'd give it a 8.2 out of 10.
'Lost' is coming up in fifteen minutes with 'Nip/Tuck' at 11.45 later. My life seems to revolve around television series and movies a little too much. Well, at least anime is out of my system for the mean time. Oh, and I managed to finally obtain 'The Invisible Ring' by Anne Bishop which is supposedly the prequel to the 'Black Jewels Trilogy'. I know I should've just gotten the book right after reading BJT but I just keep forgetting to get it or when I do remember about it the nearest book store to me doesn't stock it or it's just too far for me to go hunting for it. Now, I just need to get 'Dreams Made Flesh' to complete the collection.
