There's some times or moments in one's life when you have to suffer the worst mental breakdown in your life to actually get on with life. Last night was mine.
I really don't know what happened or what caused it to happen. Halfway through studying Business Finance in the tutorial room last night, I almost shed tears just because I was feeling the most pressure I've ever felt since...well, since never. I don't think I've ever felt this pressured; emotionally, physically and intellectually. Then when I returned to my room at round past midnight, my eyes started watering really badly and then before I knew it I was crying quite terribly and sobbing slightly while trying to hold it in when talking to my parents. I think I made them kind of worry about me a bit but it's all good and fine now. The worst has passed. I hope.
The worst outcome of all this is that there's no one else I really want to see or talk to besides my parents except for a certain crush of mine who doesn't even stay in IH or know me apart from my name, which makes the void all the more intolerable and painful to fill. The first person to appear in my mind when I wanted to talk and just spill my guts to someone was him. I don't even know him that well but there's something in me or him that makes me want to talk to him and just get to know him more. Like if I talked to or just see him today, I'd know that everything would be okay and alright. Which I did see him today but was too shy or slightly stunned from seeing him here of all days to actually approach him and just talk about today. Hopefully he'll rock up tomorrow for whatever reason and then I'd be able to say something at least for even a minute or five.
I blame my hormones acting and sneaking up on me. At the worst possible time.
So yes, the Business Finance final was held this morning. At the Royal Exhibition Building (REB). It was quite daunting, intimidating and I was too stunned or shellshocked from having to sit for an exam in such a venue to actually admire the surroundings articulately. It's a bloody musuem for heaven's sake. Complete with sky-grazing murals, endless hallways and all. The next three times that I'll be visiting the hallowed halls of horror won't be for entertaining educational purposes but for purely educational factoring reasons. The following sojourns to the REB won't be filled with remorse and grief but intrigue and awe at the architectural aspects of the place. It really is a nice looking place. Just not right now. Or for the next two and half weeks.
Allowed myself some time off today where I did my laundry, cleaned my room a bit, had tom yum soup, Thai salad, and sushi for lunch, and went to Safeway to stock up on even more chocolates and biscuits for whatever reasons they may be. It feels good. The therapeutic reasonings behind the freshly scented washed and dried clothes and spending money on unnecessary items like instant coffee and or chocolate for those late night cravings should be carefully examined. Bad on the purse strings but good on enlightening a stressed out girl who've just had a breakdown the previous night.
Soon it'll be another morning when it'll be time to pick myself up and continue on my panicky and unwittingly unfunny journey through the foggy and treachery mists of IFA, BPA, and QM2. I'm getting hungry again. It's the bloody cold weather tricking my body into thinking that I need more fuel also known as fats to be stored up for the hibernation period which humans generally don't need.
Thus end the rantings of one very agitated, pissed off, and conflicted female blogger. Shall return for more bitchings about men, smart-asses, and bad food causing me hunger pangs at the most inconvenient times.
