The Misanthropic Misadventures of an Idealist

Saturday, August 27, 2005 | 13:51

quinn of bitch

I'm feeling like the ultimate bitch-queen now. So, I'm trying to limit all possible human interaction and feelings from me for the next five to six days until this monthly phase passes over. I think you know what I'm talking about. I can't put it anymore bluntly than that.

Anyway, all my energy will now be focused to nothing but studying, getting my three daily meals, and being driven on by music from my repeat playlists. The other reserves of my powers will be channeled towards trying to ignore my mom's nagging and blatant refusal to see my side of things most of the time. Well, actually more like all the time but I like to downplay things a little. Oh, and I've been lazily downloading 'Daria' too. I need some entertainment for the impending month-long semester break after my finals. Don't think I'll be getting a job simply because hiring someone for only a month to do some mediocre task six days a week doesn't sound very economical in the business sense. If it was two months, then I'd probably consider getting one. I've always harboured a fantasy to be a barrister just so I can tick people off for not adding enough milk in their latte or too little whipped cream in a frappe.

I'm counting the days till I can escape this land, which doesn't sound very patriotic considering national day is only a few days away. Yesterday's not-very-spontaneous lunch with Sharon and a quick visit at the IDP place in Subang just made me more convinced than ever that I should go to USyd or UNSW. Not that UMelb is bad but thinking of the place is enough to bore me already. It's considerably easier to get into the previous two where you need an average of Credit to Distinction to get in to transfer your credits where else Melbourne requires an average of Distinction to get there. It sounds that Melbourne is obviously the better choice because of their stringent requirements but the rest are just as good. And anyway, ANU is rated even better than Melbourne in terms of the top universities in the world but Canberra is not tempting enough for me to go there. Even if it is just a two hours drive away from Sydney. I forgot what was ANU's minimum requirement to transfer but I'm not that concerned with it. In addition, living costs are about the same in Melbourne or Sydney, with the tuition fees of UMelb being the highest in Australia.

Res ipsa loquitur.

And I could have applied to those universities too last week when IDP had their annual fair thing to get the application fees waived. Apparently, you could apply with your most recent results first and then when you've received the rest after completing the second semester, they'll simply transfer your results to the respective universities to see if you've met the requirements and if you have then you're in. Damn those misinformants. Fortunately, there's going to be another one coming in mid-October so I should be able to make the deadline for applications to be admitted into the first semester of 2006. Provided I don't screw up my results.

Got to return to the books now. This ranting just took some wind out of me and I'm barely under my neck in practice papers and pirated books. See you in seven. Or less.

Jill |

Monday, August 22, 2005 | 22:40

what's in a name?

One of my main pet peeves is, well, actually I have a lot of pet peeves but I'm going to talk about this particular one that got me quite riled up today.

Silly names bestowed upon unfortunate children.

It sounds slightly over the top but I believe a name should be something sacred. Something very personal that no one should defile or make vile of. But it gets pretty difficult not to tempt that dark side of anyone to not make fun or faint and passing comments about a funny name.

Names like Robin, Clark, Lillian, Will, Sharon, Nicole, Bruce, Jasmine, Aaron, and even Zach or Paris are all fine and pretty normal names. But throw in Apple, Peach, Romeo, Espn, Daisy Boo-Boo, and god knows what else these crazed parents have conjured up. Soon, there's going to be Dhl, London, Gilly, Moo-Moo, oh and heaven forbid, Melon, for a girl. Romeo was fine during Shakespeare's time, and so was Leonardo and Antoinette, but no one really names any children those names now. Except for maybe Leo and Ann.

I mean, I can understand if you don't want your child growing up with some plain Jane name or have your kid being like any Tom, Dick or Harry. Nonetheless, naming your child some out of this world name isn't going to help him anymore from being tormented and traumatised by his younger peers with less weird names. Even kids with normal names have suffered some less than pleasant name-calling before at least once in their lifetime so why burden them some more with names that could easily attach to them like a parasite and suck the joy of childhood.

So, where is the defining line between a normal and less than ordinary name to be drawn? To be honest, I don't really know. I feel that it goes with the times. Names that could be so odd now could be just as normal as Donald in fifty years time. It takes time for them to be embraced like a change in something as simple as a car or internet. My mom told me she never heard of my name before until my dad gave it to me. And I still have people spelling my name with a G and not J. It's not that Anderson, damn it!

I have always had a particular fondness for the name, Aki, for some reason. I know it's a Japanese name and that it is unisex. Maybe I should move to Japan and have a kid there one day so that he or she wouldn't feel so out of place. Then whenever she or he goes anywhere outside of Japan, they can always fall back on that they're Japanese and so you can't nitpick about it.

Oh, and Armand as well. I just love uttering it. Ar(roll the r)-mand. And just some other names I like as well which mostly would be unheard of in daily life:

Arwen - Fine, so I like her name. That does not make me a dork.

Rinoa - It's unlike anything you've heard but it feels strangely familiar to me.

Damien or Daemon - Anyone who's read BJT would understand.

Lucivar - Refer above.

Winter - Because I like the cold. But I draw the line at the other seasons.

Oh, my kid is so going to have such a tough time if I ever give them any one of these names. I seem to have an affinity and bias towards A names.

And doesn't anyone realise it but whenever you have a slightly odder name compared to others, they just decide that you're too high and mighty for them and immediately dislike you based on that assed assumption itself. That's bloody discrimination on however grounds you base that on. I try not to tease people about their names unless they're very comfortable about it and they're friends I've known for quite a while. Other than that, I refrain from doing all that childish acts of nicknaming a person and publicly humiliating them.

I think I'm about done now.

The meaning of my first name from two websites.

Jill |

Monday, August 15, 2005 | 22:05

models and shells

For some reason, everything I own seems to be falling apart in the last few days. First, one of the hinges connecting the keyboard to the screen of my notebook is coming apart or becoming loose. It looks like it's going to break down by itself anytime soon and whenever I close it shut, it kind of locks up and I have to pry it loose to open it with some strength as the screen is not aligned properly with the keyboard. Another thing, the strap on my Catswhiskers purple bag broke today when I was lunching between breaks in college. Not really broke but more like the end just came off and I had to make do with temporarily tying it around the ring suspending the bag. I just hope none of my body parts will start breaking soon.

Business Stats test is postponed to this Saturday morning. I'm going to miss my Saturday morning toons. Damn it.

If only I had a nickel for every time bureaucracy gets in the way of anything I do, I'd be a very rich girl now. And so will everybody else. The mood isn't settling in very well with me to depart about my encounter with the said B word. Another time.

Browsing nonchalantly through a university brochure today, I think I want to go to UNSW even more now. What stirred this change I have no clue, but to me UNSW seems to be one of the more underrated good Australian universities there are. Everyone's talking about Melbourne, Sydney, Queensland and ANU but what about the rest in the 'Group of Eight'. Don't they deserve a mention or two too? Of course, my first choice will and always have been Sydney but now that I'm being pulled apart three ways, I don't really know what I want. But maybe it's still too early to be juggling these three universities around now. I really hope to be able to apply as soon as possible if I want to make it for the March/April intakes.

That got me thinking again. We always strive to be individuals in our own rights. Thinking like one or dressing quirkily. But how far can one define and limit individuality? Sure, it can be argued that individuality goes as far as we make it to be but where does this sense of individualism come from? There has and had to be some form of idea or expression that we've been exposed to that moulds this sense of self in ourselves. It might have been something that someone casually mentioned of us or something that you saw that attracted you or someone you know you've been influenced by. This eclectic mix of individualities that one takes or adopts from these many people soon make up what one calls 'me'. The 'me' self is now therefore not geniunely birthed from that person himself, but is more of a concoction of different and various individuals that have come to develop him. From there, the cycle of individuality continues where another person will be influenced by him and another and another.

It isn't exactly a new thought or idea but I always snicker and sneer at people who always say, "This is me," or "I've been born this way," as you're clearly not. When you're born all you are is a shell. An empty shell that will in time develop and adopt its own contents as its own and soon it will be too full to be filled up with. I'm still trying to find my own 'me' self. That sense of mix of individualities that no one has concocted yet. That mix can then only ultimately be claimed as 'you'.

It feels good to be on the ranting track again. I suppose this stemmed from the too many eyes always staring back at me whenever I enter a room or go up to someone. It's just too daunting already to have people rudely staring back at you and observing from head to toe like you're a clay model for all to ogle at.

I am not a statue! Though a model would be nice.

Jill |

Friday, August 12, 2005 | 13:24

vampyre

Colleges, schools and universities around the Klang valley, PJ and KL are all closed today. Including HELP. Test is postponed until further notice and we got an extra few days to hand in our Econs assignment. I don't really know whether I should be rejoicing or mourning. I could be happy that I get an extra few days to prepare for the test but I could also whine and moan about the current bloody haze situation. Tough choice.

In conclusion, I'm stuck at home till further notice and till the smog clears up a little more for me start breathing freely again. I'm even getting sick and tired of my own whining. The entire house is on air-conditioning mode but even that can't stop the smoke from seeping in through the cracks and nooks of the windows and doors. My room smells of roses and champagne fragrance from my own doing of dousing almost the entire house in vain to disguise the awful stench. It still stinks but not that much.

I lost my favourite green bracelet. I hope some good samaritan will find it and put it to good use.

Instead of studying for my finals this morning I ended up watching 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' on HBO. It was the funniest vampire movie I've ever watched. Which I don't think it intended to be a comedic vampire movie but just watching Keanu Reeves playing Jonathan Harker was almost laughable. He was as wooden in 1992 as he is today. However, the film's saving grace was Gary Oldman as the infamous Dracula and Cary Elwes as Arthur Holmwood. I knew I saw Cary somewhere before and lo and behold, he was Robin Hood in 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'. I was in awe at how fake the blood was and the unrealistic facts and things in the movie. Like how blood transfusion was done and what really made Dracula and his brides scary. I miss watching 'Interview with the Vampire'. Still the best vampire movie ever made.

Anyways, it was a good laugh to help me relive some tension arising from being suffocated outside. Time for some reading and studying. Stay safe and smog-free.

Lastly, I just have to share this portrait with everyone who reads this. He just seems to get better looking every year.

Jill |

Monday, August 08, 2005 | 23:03

once upon a night

This not so little girl got really bored and decided to tinker around with her brand new webcam even when she knows very well that she has an assignment due this Friday and a test on the same day too. And there was nothing to watch on TV that night as well.

Nevertheless, the result is a plethora of random shots of this girl's room and of the person herself.

The workplace. With the occasional Beatles, Eels, Damien Rice and Rufus songs.

The girl. On a rather bad hair day.

Sustenance for several nights.
And maybe some more.

To get her through this.

Her favourite hangout corner in the room.

The end.

Jill |

Sunday, August 07, 2005 | 16:58

high end tech

Whee. I'm a happy camper today.

Got myself a brand new webcam thing from Creative and a USB pendrive from Panasonic at the Pikom PC Fair all combined for less than RM250 altogether and a cropped knee length distressed denim pants from TopShop at 30% off.

It was my first time at a PC Fair and at KLCC too. Overcrowded with people and loads of gadgets and toys I actually fairly enjoyed the experience. It was akin to visiting a high-tech pasar malam. And I nearly went giddy with joy when I saw that huge sign denoting "Sale 50%" at TopShop as I ascended the escalator from the carpark. Well, my pants wasn't at half off but still sales are always good. Whether you buy something or not.

I feel contented. Material things do create happiness. Even if it is temporary. I'm not sure why I needed the webcam but it looks cool seeing myself in the screen. It's recording some live video feed now as I'm typing this. Maybe I should feel slightly paranoid because someone is watching me right now. Yeah, I did not own a pendrive till today because I never really saw the need for me to get one but eventually the draw of discounts and last day bargains just baited me into getting one.

I'm such a pants whore. I think I love shorts, pants and shoes more than tops and shirts now. I really do. You could give me some grubby old shirt and I'd probably wear it together with my favourite white and pink high tops and this newly purchased cropped pants with shameless pride. I am that a pants-and-shoes-slut.

Now back to Business Stats work and Econs assignment.

Jill |

Thursday, August 04, 2005 | 11:50

tag, you're it

The things I do to kill time.

Sharon and Azliza posted this on their blogs and tagged me to do it so here it is.

What are the things that you enjoy even when no one around you wants to go out and play?
1. Laying in bed all day.
2. Listening to my repeat playlist.
3. Reading. Whatever I want at that particular moment.
4. Watching reruns of my favourite movies, series and cartoons.

What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list and post it on your blog.
1. Reading the newspaper. The global news will almost always automatically disipate my worries as it will seem petty and insignificant next to the tragedies, wars, and politics that are going on.
2. Listening to my repeat playlist.
3. Retail therapy. If I have enough cash on hand to support it.
4. Reorganizing my books. I'm never satisfied with the arrangement of my books.
5. (Used to) Play beat-em-up PS2 games and sometimes Final Fantasy VIII on the PS. But they became too addictive so I had to stop. I now play stupid and mindless online games.

Tag five friends and ask them to post it in theirs.
1. Alwin
2. Ben
3. Jay&Kay
4. Kimmy
5. Laine

Time to get ready for mind-boggling Accounting 2 tutorial and Macroeconomics lecture.

Do I detect a hint of sarcasm? Yes, you do.

Jill |

Tuesday, August 02, 2005 | 21:55

yep

The burden of studying and the final assignment are slowly overwhelming me. I'm never doing four subjects in one semester ever again. It's too taxing and exhausting for me.

Mostly all is well with me. Finished catching up with Nip/Tuck Season 1 already but I still like Season 2 better. Just had much more drama and shock factor. Or maybe it's just that I know most of the things that happened already that it's not that surprising to me anymore. But the stories make sense now and I don't feel so in the dark about it all. Now, if only Season 3 will make it to our shores as soon as possible.

I've been feeling a bit peevish and get upset for no real reason these days. I think I'm going crazy again. Bouts of restlessness will descend upon me and I can't concentrate anymore on my work or whatever it is I'm doing then. Could it be ADD? I hope not. That's a scary thought. Maybe it's a phase. Please let it be a stupid phase. I always give this excuse to myself.

"It's a phase. It'll pass. In time."

Yeah. Cool. Good. Uh huh. Yep.

Or maybe I'm just in a rut. A bloody rut that won't go away. I need to do something other than focusing on the bloody books. I want to go rock-climbing. I want to work as a bartender. Or a barrister, whichever I get to first. I'd love to concoct some weird alcoholic beverage in that cool shaker tumbler and get anyone loaded up and drunk on it. Provided it is potent enough. I want to go backpacking in Europe. I want to learn French, Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese, and maybe Thai. I want to converse in a foreign language with other people so that when I want to bitch about the person in front of me to another I can do it in a different language so that they'll never know and will just think that I complimented them with a saying like, "Nice haircut/shirt/pants.". So, now you know not to let me learn another language. Or at least learn them with me so that I won't have the chance to bitch.

Back to my books now. Gosh, I wish I was anywhere but here right now.

Jill |